Ecology of life. Very few women manage to survive maternity leave without default, that is, without hating their husband or being disappointed in him. Husbands usually pay in the same way. Rare couples are lucky enough to maintain love during such a period.
Very few women manage to survive maternity leave without default, that is, not to hate your husband or be disappointed in him. Husbands usually pay in the same way. Rare couples are lucky enough to maintain love during such a period (or rather, they are lucky themselves), others restore their relationship after, some still cannot return anything.
One of the main reasons for this sad trend is the different ideas of spouses about investments during this difficult period.
Women are often convinced that they perform a feat, engage in the most important and most difficult work for the common good.
Men think that a woman does what she has long wanted, all women in the world do this, but he provides and provides her with such an opportunity, bearing all the material risks.
Very often, a woman on maternity leave surrounds herself with girlfriends who have the same ideal picture of the world: in the center mother and child like Raphael's Madonna, and around there are kneeling males, unable to give birth and feed and therefore obliged to thank the Woman.
Such women, as a rule, do not have a very good relationship with their husbands. This is understandable. Husbands have a different picture in their heads: a huge number of women who have given birth, are giving birth, are ready to give birth, are gathering in lines around those who can provide for them and their offspring.
Those couples that survive as couples are those who are ready, firstly, to see the picture of the world through the eyes of the other spouse, and secondly, to complement and change their picture of the world.
The trouble comes because both women and men confuse two main resources: the Work resource and the Family resource. Men want their work to be counted as a contribution to the family, and women want their motherhood to be counted as work. But these are different resources, and comparing such contributions is the same as comparing the number of books read (Study resource) with the number of kilometers on a treadmill (Health resource). Both are very important, but on completely different planes.
If a man will understand that his work is his work, he invests in this resource and receives his professional bonuses there, personal, his own, and the family is something separate, and contributions to the family are measured not by work, but by interaction with this family, participation in the life of this family, it will also be easier for him to figure everything out.
Another separate resource is often mixed in here. Economy. The couple has a common economic space - money, property, housing. This also includes housekeeping, by the way. Typically, men are more involved in the monetary part of this resource during maternity leave (although a woman can receive maternity benefits), and women are more involved in the economic part. But this is a separate resource and should not be confused with those two, they are all different. It is necessary to share resources in order to better understand the contributions and see an objective picture: who gives what, who takes where.
And now look what happens.
The fact that the husband is engaged in his resource Work has nothing to do with his contributions to the Family. He invests in himself (!), partly in the good of society, partly in the prospect of their life together (expands potential opportunities for the future), but only if they stay together. This is the money that he is investing in the budget today - yes, this is his contribution to the common resource, to the Economy.
The wife cannot engage in the resource Work, falls behind professionally, loses skills, motivation, often degrades in this resource or blocks it altogether (and then fears work like hell). There is no need to be mistaken and think that another person can take over your resource. NO. The husband develops his resource, upgrades his professionalism, and the wife at this time works ruins her resource. To prevent this from happening, she must remember from the very beginning what this threatens her with, what it entails. The resource may have to wait a year, two, even three (if it has already been pumped up at least a little), but it’s also better not to risk it and work on it at least a little. And then it will begin to disintegrate.
The risk is that after some time it will turn into a professional nonentity. Mother and wife are not professions. These are roles that people have outside of work, like a daughter, a girlfriend, a lover. No one pays money for this, and most importantly, no one gives respect. Love is sometimes given (as long as there is closeness and understanding), but respect is not. Living without respect in society is even more difficult than living without love. You cannot lose the resource of Work and not understand how socially unprotected and dependent you remain. You lose the main support that a person should have.
At the same time, husbands who think that their wife can take care of their Family resource may lose this resource. Another person cannot develop your resource! Once again I want to emphasize this. A couple is not needed to develop each other's resources; this is impossible. A couple is needed in order to develop some resources together. Create a family together and be parents and raise children. Create a household together and take care of everyday life, together. You can work together, but only if you have a common cause, and not when one works for the other. It's the same as eating for someone else.
The two main mistakes that women make when thinking about maternity leave stem from the desire to compare their contribution to raising children with their husband’s material contribution to the budget.
Because of this, absurd disputes arise that have no logic. “I bring money,” says the husband, referring to his contribution to the Economy resource. The wife says: “And I’m taking care of our child.” In the resource plane of the Economy, within which the husband measures his contribution, “child occupation” is the work of a nanny, which has a specific market rate. But the nanny takes care of someone else’s child, and the mother takes care of her own, so all that the husband owes his wife, according to his purely monetary calculation, is half of the nanny’s salary. This is what husbands usually say, they are good at counting.
The wife is angry. Her maternal feat, the fire of soul and body, was counted in some pitiful money, and at a low rate, and even divided into two. Her work is priceless! But she herself decided to compare her contribution with his monetary contribution. Although investments in the Family resource are intangible, it is our concern for and help to loved ones. And both parents should invest, and not one for the other.
What can be compared with husband's material contribution to the budget, so this wife's housework. But it should be calculated exactly according to the housekeeper’s tariff, dividing by two again, since she also enjoys the fruits of her labor. All these calculations are needed not in order to present something to each other, but in order to stop measuring distances in parrots, and love in money. Both should do the housework, or one should give more money for the farm, and the other should do more with his hands, otherwise there is no other way.
And here your resource Work, women, no one will compensate you. There will be a hole in its place. Therefore, no matter how much you want to sit on maternity leave for years, no matter how much you want to convince yourself that motherhood is a difficult and important job, remember this. This is not a profession, it is work, but of a completely different kind. From a professional point of view, he is very low-skilled, poorly paid, little respected, and has no prospects. From the point of view of personal happiness and comfort of loved ones, it is a very good, important and useful thing. But don't confuse these resources.
You can also live with a hole in the place of Work, if other resources are well developed, but this is the main resource and you are taking a big risk. If it turns out that your other resources are so-so, your children have run away, your husband has fallen out of love, your girlfriends are ready to help only with chatter, lovers appear and disappear right away, you are not interested in studying anything, and your health is failing, your life may look very sad , and you will be offended by your husband, who was doing the work, but it seemed to you that this was your common job. He is not here. You were involved in the family, but he just might not be involved in the family, and now you have a connection with the children, but he does not. How bad it makes him feel is another question. Perhaps he started another family, or maybe he regrets being alone. If he has a connection with your common children and an excellent relationship with them, then he also managed to take care of his family, and for some reason you did not do work.
The most important mistake is to measure investments by subjective “hard” “tired” “suffering”. Some women (and men) believe that if they suffer and suffer, then their investment is great. Not at all . You can suffer in the toilet anywhere, but the investment will be zero. People in clinical depression suffer the most when they lie face to the wall, and their contribution is zero. Torment arises from stress, and stress does not always come from a useful waste of energy. On the contrary, if the expenditure of energy is useful, stress is usually much less, the person is satisfied with himself.
Therefore, no matter how much you suffer from boredom, monotony, monotony, irritation, this does not mean that your work is more difficult and even more useful. The benefit is measured only by how much the other one needs your work and cannot do without you. Moreover, you cannot measure his needs for him. You can't say "you need starched tablecloths", he may consider it of no use to him. It is very important to separate what you do for yourself and for the big picture of a good family life, and what the other is really ready to be grateful for. If it turns out that he doesn’t need everything you do (not in words, but in reality), unfortunately, your contributions to your life together are almost useless. This does not mean that they are bad, they can be beautiful, but this partner is not able to appreciate them, they do not in any way relate to his picture of the world, his picture of the world has other priorities and values. Perhaps you need a different partner or a change in your picture of the world.
It’s better if you have two pictures - yours, where you have your investments and what you would like to receive for it, and his picture, which also has all this, but in his opinion. We need to look at how different these pictures are, and think about whether it is possible to bring them closer to each other, to create something in common.
But when creating your own picture, paint objectively. Evaluate your contributions from the point of view of “how easy it is for him to get the same thing not from me.” There is no need to assign a high price to each kiss. Even if he is in love and your kisses are priceless to him, this is his subjective attitude. Today he loves, tomorrow he doesn’t. And there may be a lot of people who want to kiss him, besides you. Therefore, better measure objective contributions. And don’t measure love at all, it’s something that exists beyond everything, as a gift. But when the structure of relationships is balanced, love lives in it much longer and develops, and does not bend or die. Therefore, it is so important to monitor the balance of contributions and forces.
As always the task
Typical situation. A couple decides to have a child, the husband persuades his wife to quit her job for three years and promises to compensate for everything. But he perceives the compensation as material, gets a second job, which is why he is not at home at all. The wife is raising the child almost completely alone, he is sick, it’s hard for her. Quarrels naturally begin, the husband feels that the level of stress is such that if he does not find an outlet, he will get sick. He finds a mistress who, unlike his wife, supports him, consoles him and, as it seems to him, gives him the opportunity to work for the benefit of the family (he pays off the loan for the apartment).
Three and a half years later, when the wife is already actively working, the child has grown up, she learns about her mistress, who is already in the past. The wife does not want to forgive the betrayal; she cannot love him anymore. She accuses him of living in prison for three years because he convinced her to quit her favorite job. Moreover, he betrayed her, humiliated her in front of another woman, and for a whole year lived on two fronts as a traitor. The husband tries to explain that he thought about the good of the child, sincerely believed that it would be better this way, and then simply could not cope with the stress. He loves his wife and does not want to lose his family.
There are a lot of letters like this, give or take nuances. And you've probably heard similar stories more than once. Who is right, who is wrong, to what extent, under what conditions, and what should have been done before and can be done now? about published
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Another old article of mine, which I wrote 2.5 years ago on an old page. Having deleted the page, all my entries disappeared along with it; I don’t mind the entries, but the articles... some of them should exist on baby.ru, because... Many mothers will find them useful and educational. This is actually why I return my most interesting articles to the site))
It would seem that a young mother should enjoy every day spent with her baby, but more and more often in the postpartum period, young mothers are visited by depression and apathy, because... Daily monotony, household chores and round-the-clock stay within four walls for a long time oppress my mother and drive her into a remote corner. Let's look at some recommendations on how to avoid depression while on maternity leave.
Household responsibilities are the same for everyone
It is worth sharing household responsibilities so as not to drown in the daily routine. Ask your child's father, mother, grandmother, or your older child to help you around the house. Don’t take on all the household chores on yourself; the more you delegate household chores to others, the more time you can devote to your newborn. And then hysterics like “I don’t have time to do anything!” I'm tired! How tired of everything!..” will not arise again. Understand, you need to get used to a new role, the role of a mother, you must establish a connection with the baby, understand him and devote as much time as possible to him, and let the whole world wait with washing, ironing and cooking. There are other family members for that.
Rest
Let's remember the first recommendation. So, if a young mother takes everything upon herself, spins day and night like a squirrel in a wheel, then her nervous system becomes exhausted and eventually fails. Therefore, mom needs to rest. Relax with your child when he is sleeping, you can also take a little nap instead of washing the floors, watering cacti, ironing clothes, etc.
Advisors and advice
Of course, crowds of advisers about child care lead the mother to think that she knows absolutely nothing and doesn’t understand, then any desire to listen to anyone and be interested in anything disappears. But there are times when a mother really needs advice, in such cases, do not hesitate to ask more experienced people what to do and what is best to do, this could be your mother, older sister or friend, or even your treating pediatrician.
Excessive worry
“I smear the baby’s belly button with green paint, does it probably burn?”, “Oh, it’s so scary to cut my nails, what if I hurt him?” - sound familiar? Do not think that your child is constantly suffering from your actions. Of course, everything needs to be done carefully, but the mother’s thoughts that the child is constantly uncomfortable, unpleasant or even painful are reflected in the baby. Remember, the calmer the mother is and the more positive things come from you towards the baby, the calmer he will be. Children feel everything, but the mother’s fear frightens the baby.
Mom is, first of all, a woman!
It is clear that with the birth of a baby, the mother has little time to take care of herself, and at first there is no time at all. But, nevertheless, you need to devote at least a little time to yourself, to your appearance. Every day watching in the mirror a “strange” lady with swollen eyes, greasy hair pulled into a ponytail, overgrown eyebrows, all this becomes the first reason why depression creeps up on a young mother. You don’t recognize yourself, and your husband stops looking at you with sparkles in his eyes. Find at least half an hour a day for yourself, because it is so important, it is important to feel beautiful.
Creation
Another reason for depression while on maternity leave is lack of fulfillment. Creativity will help to distract you from the routine - embroidery, knitting, drawing, modeling, etc.
Communication and change of scenery
Don't forget to communicate with people. Yes, you communicate with your husband and child, with your parents and other relatives, but this is not enough. It’s not enough to talk about just diapers, feedings, and baby clothes. Mom needs live communication with other people. Change your surroundings. Ask dad to babysit and go and unwind. Even just 2-4 hours of communication with a friend and a walk to the shops, cafes, or at least a visit to the hairdresser will charge you with positivity for the next weeks. If it is not possible to leave the child with dad, then invite a friend to visit, meet a young mother like you and go for a walk with the kids to the playground or to the park.
Ideal mom?
Don’t strive to be a perfect mother, don’t beat yourself up if something goes wrong. You can't be perfect in everything. Just be a happy and loving mother.
Holiday for yourself
Spending time at home can be made enjoyable. This doesn’t require much, a simple little thing can lift your spirits - a new hair clip, body lotion with a pleasant smell, a beautiful and cozy robe or slippers. Plus, you don’t have to constantly walk around the house in a robe. Give your husband a small surprise. Put on a dress and have a festive dinner, no reason, just have dinner together.
Belarus is going through another difficult time, and there is a sad tendency to solve problems and seek additional resources at the expense of the social sphere. We have already “optimized” issues with length of service, retirement age, parasites, and have come close to the most seasoned social dependents - mothers on maternity leave. Women stay at home for three years—or even longer if one maternity leave flows smoothly into the next—and receive child care benefits.
This is presented to the whole world and to us as unprecedented financial support in the social sphere and care for mother and child: after all, no other European country has parental leave of such a length. From three months to six months is all that the average European woman can count on. But let's not rush to conclusions...
After all, there are three fundamental aspects: financial support for women, the length of leave and the inclusion of maternity leavers in public life. Aren't these signs of real social support?
Oiij.com
Dependence on husband and relatives
Yes, our women have a significant lump sum benefit plus monthly payments for three years. At first, my Dutch friends were delighted with this level of social support, because in their country women only receive paid leave for six months. But upon further examination, nuances became clear. When we talk about paid six-month leave in Holland, we mean leave with full pay.
That is, if a woman has a good job and a high salary, on which mortgage payments, loan payments and other payments depend, she can be sure: regardless of the presence of a husband, she will be able to maintain for these six months the standard of living to which she is accustomed.
But if a woman decides not to work, she is not left without state support in any case - that is, she is still entitled to child care benefits. In our country, after going on maternity leave, we immediately switch to basic values and become dependent on the people around us, and there is no talk of maintaining wages at all.
Let's be honest: maintaining a familiar or at least acceptable standard of living if there is no husband nearby with a salary, or without additional support from relatives and friends who help with children's clothing and food, is almost impossible.
I do not consider the segments of the population who “gave birth” for the sake of subsidized apartments. I know several women who had to live on benefits, but if it weren’t for a large number of sympathetic relatives, the circulation of children’s things in nature, and grandparents with rolls and potatoes for the winter, surviving alone with a child would have been unrealistic.
It turns out that in any case, our allowance does not make the Belarusian woman socially protected and self-sufficient. Most often, she remains during the entire maternity leave either on her husband’s neck or depending on her relatives.
mirmampap.ru Do you want to work? Not so
It is planned to reduce the duration of maternity leave in Belarus with an eye to Europe, where it is truly unthinkable for a qualified specialist with education and skills to fall out of the workforce for several years. Do Belarusian women simply not want to work? Let's figure it out.
I can say for myself: I am now on maternity leave, my child is almost a year old. Compared to nervous work in several places “from pick-up to lunch,” household chores: cooking, washing, bathing, diapers, walks, dog-woof, cat-meow, are just a spa resort. At first, I didn’t even think about work or the outside world at all.
But this does not mean that the world did not think about me - things piled up, the need arose to lean out of my shell at home, and I began to look for any opportunity not to spend three years at home. So what do I have at my disposal?
Let me start with the fact that I managed to get on the waiting list for kindergarten. At the same time, the kindergarten, which is located next to the house, turned out to be departmental and surprisingly popular. The manager complained about the influx of applicants and at the end of the conversation said that they would be able to take us no earlier than when the child reaches 3.5 years old.
The administration of the Sovetsky district put us on a waiting list, but it is not a fact that our turn will come at the right time, since I came to sign up too late. So what options do I have if my child is one year old and I want to work?
The first option is a babysitter. There is a large selection of nannies on the Internet, from students looking for part-time work to retirees with teaching and medical degrees who are willing to take care of your child while you are at work, for an average of $3 to $5 per hour. It is not difficult to calculate how much it would cost to have a full-time nanny five times a week. That is, I admit that this service may be in demand among women who have an above-average income, which they do not want to lose while at home. But when the average salary is about 600-800 rubles per month, there is no financial sense in having a nanny: all the money earned will go to pay for her work, and it may not even be enough.
The second option is retired grandparents who are ready to look after their grandchildren, but in my case there is no such option. I'm afraid I've run out of options.
The state is currently not ready to provide women with the opportunity to go to work earlier than the specified period: we do not have state child care institutions ready to accept children under three years of age, and there is no reason to think that this problem will be solved soon.
lovingmama.ru “Stay at home, watch TV”
The issue of the inclusion of a woman and a child in the life of society in European countries has received a lot of attention for many years. Efforts are being systematically made at different levels so that a woman, immediately after giving birth, has the opportunity to communicate normally and participate in public affairs. Meetings of mothers on maternity leave at territorial social centers, in shops, fitness clubs, swimming pools, public catering facilities with children's rooms that accept children almost from birth, but most often from three months or six months. It's often free or at least available to most people. We have a problem with this.
In, where the young mother shared her feelings, she called her newborn baby her “little jailer.” People on the forums objected, but this is a very accurate word, in my opinion. And the child has nothing to do with it. It’s just that our socially oriented system does everything so that a woman with a child is perceived, and even begins to feel herself, as a person with some kind of defect. Therefore, in order to go somewhere, for example, to fitness, to a hairdresser, or to go shopping, you need to wait for your husband to get home from work, look for an available grandmother, nanny, or neighbor for a couple of hours.
Yesterday I was walking down the street with a stroller, I saw that it said “Children’s Store,” I thought: I’ll go in. But that was not the case! There are no stroller rails on the steps to the store. I started looking on the Internet for a fitness center with a children’s room, and found only one. A yearly subscription costs about 2,000 rubles, plus, if you want to go with a child, you also need to buy a subscription for the child, although it’s a little cheaper, plus - a children’s room for children only from 3 years old and you have to pay for it additionally, something about 9 rubles per year hour.
That is, they want almost two thousand bucks for two people a year, plus an hourly payment for the children's room, and it is not a fact that a child under one year old will be admitted there. Let’s be honest: it’s very expensive even by European standards, but for us in general, even if we get our “papizzots,” we have to work for almost six months with just two subscriptions.
And this is in Minsk, the capital with a population of almost 2 million people. What can we say about smaller cities? Further. Do we have many shopping centers with the opportunity to leave a newborn child under supervision? Are there many catering places where you will be offered a children's high chair to move to your table? What about other socialization opportunities?
I called the nearest private family center and asked: what events do you have for mothers with children of about a year? There are meetings where a psychologist and some other specialist are present, but it costs 20 rubles and you have to wait until the group gets together, but there is no group yet.
Maybe it’s because it costs 20 rubles? If you go once or twice a week, it will be a little expensive, it seems to me. As a result, my husband told me: stay at home, watch TV. This reminded me of the situation when my eldest son and I went to Europe for the first time and he asked me: “Mom, why do they have so many disabled people everywhere here, but we don’t?”
And I say: “We have even more disabled people, it’s just that our disabled people all sit at home, watch TV.” It’s the same with new mothers: sit at home for three years, what are you itching for? This is the kind of social inclusion that results.
Don't get me wrong, our women do a great job and don't complain about anything. Our women find ways to look good, do housework and even a career during maternity leave and beyond. But I want to say that if we have something good, it is not thanks to it, but rather in spite of it, so I really don’t want the “female breakthrough” credit to be included in the record book of the Ministry of Labor and Social Protection.
You shouldn’t think that depression while on maternity leave is a temporary phenomenon. Often it turns into prolonged stress, which destroys not only relationships, but also your entire life.
- Fatigue. It is most clearly expressed in the first months after the birth of the baby. This is where irritability, apathy, and alienation appear. Here you need to realize that all this is temporary, and literally in a month or a month and a half, when the child grows up, everything will begin to change.
- Lack of diversity. The young mother is forced to constantly be in a confined space. In order to eliminate this problem, you need to expand your vision: you can also visit with your child, walk along different routes, go shopping, etc.
- Dissatisfaction with appearance. After childbirth, a woman's figure changes a lot. And not only she herself notices this, but also her husband. Hence the lack of attention and irritability. Conclusion: you urgently need to improve your diet and be sure to exercise.
- "Bad Mom" Syndrome. It is clearly expressed in women who have given birth to their first child. They feel like they can't handle anything, don't know anything, and are doing everything wrong. In such cases, you need to listen to adults more, and all words should be perceived not as a desire to teach, but as advice to make you feel better.
Depression on maternity leave. What to do
Find your favorite thing
Things to do while on maternity leave:
- Work from home. If the type of your work activity allows you, then take some of your work home. And you will be busy, and you will receive money.
- Hobby. Think about what you like to do: maybe embroidery, making mini-presentations, sewing, blogging, etc. The only thing that needs to be taken into account is the peculiarities of your daily routine and the child’s behavior. Do you have enough time and patience to do what you love without sacrificing attention to your loved ones?
- Self-development. You can increase the level of your knowledge through literature, the Internet, as well as through special courses (manicure, nail extensions, driving, etc.).
Don't forget about your vacation
Here are a few options on how you can help yourself get out of depression while on maternity leave:
- Daytime sleep. When you put your baby to bed, lie down yourself, because this is an excellent rest for the body.
- Relaxing bath before bed. While you're doing your evening chores, turn on the water to fill the bath so you don't have to waste time. It is recommended to add medicated salts and flavored foam.
- Sports activities. Do you feel like this is not a vacation? Are you already tired, but still need to do exercises? In vain. After all, nothing lifts your mood and tone your body like sports. Of course, not immediately, but after regular training. It’s not for nothing that they say: “Life is in motion!” On top of that, you can quickly return your figure to normal after childbirth.
- Reading books and magazines. This way you can learn something new or immerse yourself in a different, fictional world.
- Communication with dear people. Often, in the process of carrying out all the tasks, a mother simply does not have time to talk for a long time with loved ones or answer calls, so she needs to carve out a little time for this. It is better to do this when you are not busy and not irritated.
Walking without children
This is a must. Every mother simply must get out of the house for at least 2 hours a week. This is not a whim, not identification with a child, but a simple prudent attitude towards oneself and one’s psyche.
Important!
Try to make this time spent without your child as different from your everyday life as possible. If you watch some program at home on the couch, there will be no point in such a rest. But if you go to meet your girlfriends, have a romantic date with your husband, have fun with a trip, go to the cinema, bowling, etc. - all this will noticeably affect your mood as a whole.
Finding new like-minded people
A great option for this is a women's forum. By registering on the selected site, you can create your own blogs, diaries, notes, as well as comment on other people’s observations, and read interesting and useful information.
The biggest advantage here is that you choose the topic that interests you and that you want to communicate about.
If you don't have time to sit at the computer, expand your circle of acquaintances. The easiest way for mom to do this is on the playground. This way you will not only be able to find a good companion for a walk, but also, perhaps, make a good friend.
Holiday in everything
- Learn to live positively. Make even the most ordinary trip for everyday things more interesting for yourself: look more carefully at the assortment, smell the smells, give preference to something unusual. This will make even shopping for detergents more fun.
- Look at some online store for interesting things for home improvement. These can be a wide variety of shoe racks, hangers, kitchen utensils, flower pots, etc. After all, you have the opportunity to make the world around you more unusual.
- When buying clothes for yourself and your family start giving preference to bright things. Psychologists have long proven their ability to positively influence mood.
Accept any help
It doesn’t matter why you refuse help - the desire to be independent, long-standing grievances, differences in upbringing, etc. You must understand that this reason is on the list of those that resulted from your depression. In the end, it's for your own good.
The person who comes to meet you halfway, offering help, knows what he is doing, which means it is not a burden to him - he wants to make it easier for you. So why offend him with your refusals?
What should my husband do?
- Take an interest in your wife's health and condition. Maybe sometimes she's just too shy to tell you what's bothering her, or she just doesn't want to be a burden.
- Take some of the household chores on yourself. She should feel your concern.
- Compliment her. Remember that women love with their ears.
- Don't insist on intimacy. Since she is now having a hard time mentally, your demands will only worsen the situation. In addition to the fact that she will become even more depressed, your relationship as a whole will gradually begin to collapse.
- Try to “stir up” her with pleasant impressions. It could be gifts or a good time.
- Don't tell her that she can't do something.. Just kindly help her.
- Involve your husband in raising your child to the maximum. Talk frankly with your husband, tell him that it is difficult for you to cope with some responsibilities. The conversation should be conducted exclusively in a positive way - without scandals, shouting and reproaches. Apply tricks: say that you want your child to be very similar to him, and joint games and all kinds of communication with the child can contribute to this. But be prudent: if your spouse gets up early in the morning for work, do not ask him to get up all night so that he can calm the child down.
- Read books about development and raising children. There is a lot of useful information written there. From them, not only a young mother, but also an adult woman who has successfully raised several children learns something new. They often provide examples of real-life situations. Such techniques make it possible to more easily come to certain conclusions. Moreover, after reading this literature, many mothers will understand that the child’s nervousness and whims are not a consequence of their inept handling of the baby, but features of age-related changes.
- Enter a reward system. Set goals for yourself throughout the day. As soon as you successfully complete them, do yourself a favor: buy goodies, things, set aside more time for doing what you love, etc.
- Don't isolate yourself. Communicate more. Preferably not only with girlfriends. Discuss various issues: raising a child, relationships with your husband (in general terms, without details), your own feelings, etc. In response, you will hear a lot of advice, examples of what to do and what not to do.
- Find a nanny. If your relatives do not have the opportunity to help you raise your child, a person offering his services for money will help you get distracted. A nanny can be found either full-time or just on weekends. If the first option gives access to work, the second – for your own leisure.
- Do not exaggerate. After all, many women have gone through childbirth. And some - more than once. Think about the fact that you were able to give life to a new person. And this cannot cause depression while on maternity leave.
Video: Life after childbirth: how not to go crazy