Each sunnah is very important for us as for people who love the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).
A quick refresher question: who was Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him)? We, as Muslims, believe that he was the last Messenger of the Creator to all people. His life is an example for every generation until the end of time as an example of a pure and humble way of worshiping Allah to achieve His contentment. The word "sunnah" is used to describe the life and teachings of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). The Sunnah is an excellent guide for all who wish to lead a useful and successful life.
Sometimes we think about why our life does not turn out the way we would like, while the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is a real treasure of how to arrange your life in the best possible way. Myself
“Whoever revives some of my Sunnah loves me. And the one who loves me will be with me in Paradise” (Tirmidhi).
We should try to implement the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) not only for personal benefit, but also out of love for him. We should be active in studying the life of the last Messenger of Allah to the people (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). The more we know about the life of a person, the more our respect for him increases. Similarly, as we learn more about the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), we will love him more.
In this article, we will discuss the 12 sunnahs of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), which we should strive to revive with the hope of success in this life and the next, where we, insha Allah, can be in the company of our beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) .
1. Early to bed and early to wake up
Our sleep schedule plays a big role in our ability to work effectively throughout the day. The morning hours after Fajr are one of the most blessed times of the day. If you start the day with prayer, you will be in the right mood all day and will be able to do a lot during the day. However, to be able to get up early, you need to go to bed early so that your body has enough time to rest.
Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) spoke about the way of life of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
“He used to go to bed early and get up in the last part of the night to perform tahajjud, and then he continued to sleep (until the morning prayer)” (Bukhari).
If you let the daily worries get the better of you, you can get into a very bad position where you stay up late and wake up late. As a result, you will not have time to do what you planned for yourself every day, and again you will go to bed late and get up late. Break this vicious circle today. Go to bed early and wake up early so that you have the energy for your daily activities.
2. Try to smile more often.
Ibn Jazz (may Allah be pleased with him) reports: “I have not seen anyone who would smile more than the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)” (Tirmidhi).
Scientists have proven that when a person smiles, the content of a natural antidepressant hormone, serotonin, increases in his body, as a result of which a person feels more satisfied. We underestimate the impact of smiling on ourselves and on those around us. This small detail plays a huge role in building relationships with the people around you. A positive mindset and attitude is indispensable in striving to be productive in order to achieve your goals in life. Smiling is a simple act that will help lift your spirits and make you feel more grateful, just like our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did.
So let's follow this great sunnah. Notice what your usual facial expression, your normal state is satisfaction, or do you always appear in front of people sad, dissatisfied, disappointed? It will take very little regular effort from you, but you will be able to stop frowning, smile more often and spread joy and peace around you, as did our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).
3. Use a miswak
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
“If I were not afraid to embarrass my community, I would have ordered them to use a miswak before every prayer” (Tirmidhi).
This hadith indicates the attitude of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) towards the use of miswak. The miswak stick is made from the branches of the arak tree and has many benefits, including removing bacteria from the mouth. No wonder the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) wanted us to use miswak more often, as he attached great importance to oral hygiene. It is reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used miswak after waking up. The teeth are a very delicate organ and problems with them can lead to severe pain, so this sunnah offers us precautions against a problem that can cause you a lot of trouble. Miswak is easy to buy and relatively cheap, making this sunnah easy to follow. It helps keep your mouth clean and fresh naturally and effortlessly.
Abdurrahman ibn Abu Atik said: “My father said to me: “I heard Aisha, conveying the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), said: “Miswak is a means for cleansing the mouth and is pleasing to the Lord” ”(Sunan al-Nasai) .
4. Lubrication of hair with oil.
Jabir ibn Samur asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about the gray hair on his head. He replied: “If you anoint your head with oil, they will not be visible” (An-Nasai).
Many do not believe that oiling the hair is part of the Sunnah. This hadith talks about using oil to hide the gray hair on the head, thus we see that the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) covers every aspect of life. Regular oiling of the hair prevents hair loss and graying, strengthens the hair and makes it strong and shiny by strengthening the protein of the hair, has a calming effect on the nerves and capillaries of the brain. We pursue this goal by spending a lot of money on hairdressers and spas, but this simple sunnah can save us a lot of money, time and effort while we imitate the life of our beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him).
5. Follow the "one-third" rule in food
Mikdam ibn Madikarib (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “I heard from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) the following:
“The son of Adam did not fill a vessel worse than his stomach. While a few pieces are enough to straighten your back. And if it is so necessary for him to fill his stomach, let him fill one third with food, one third with water and one third with air ”(Ibn Maja).
Many underestimate the fact that food plays a huge role in the performance of our body and brain. The hadith emphasizes that overeating is a very reprehensible quality from which we should stay away. It is also important to remember that malnutrition is equally harmful to the individual. In order to function normally, we must have a balanced approach to our diet. We should not eat to the point where we feel sleepy and tired, which leads to laziness, from which we seek refuge with Allah. Thus, it is very important to observe the measure in nutrition.
6. Speak good or be silent
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Let the one who believes in Allah and the Day of Judgment speak good or be silent” (Muslim).
We often find ourselves in a situation where we sit and talk about things that do not concern us. We waste precious minutes and even hours simply discussing matters that do not increase our knowledge, improve our character, and do not benefit us. When we speak badly of a person or situation, the conversation becomes long simply because of the desire to gossip. The beauty of this particular Sunnah is that it helps us save time and reduces the amount of energy we waste on discussing useless things. We can spend this energy and time on something useful, such as reciting the Qur'an or dhikr, doing useful things in the world, or discussing things that will benefit us and others in this and the next life.
7. Performing hijama (bleeding)
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there is healing in any medicine, then it is contained in the hijam, the use of honey and cauterization, but I would not recommend cauterization” (Bukhari).
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) regularly resorted to hijama. This form of treatment has been used throughout history in many countries. The benefits of hijama are huge: studies have shown that it is useful for treating migraines, joint pain, and infertility. It relieves stress and fatigue, which helps a person feel invigorated.
8. Visiting the sick
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Feed the hungry, visit the sick and free the captives” (Bukhari).
Throughout the teachings of our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) runs the idea of caring for other people. Among our relatives and friends, for sure, there are also many people who are experiencing illnesses - both mild and serious. There are two main advantages to visiting them. Showing attention and care for them, you strengthen the bonds of kinship or friendship. And secondly, looking at a person who is suffering, we begin to thank for the gift of health, which many of us, unfortunately, take for granted. The next time you find out that someone is sick, do not limit yourself to wishing them a "speedy recovery", but remember the forgotten sunnah - make an effort on yourself to visit them and support them.
9. Sitting while eating and drinking
It was narrated from Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “It is forbidden for a person to drink while standing.” He was asked: “And eat (standing)?” He replied: “It is even worse” (Tirmidhi).
People who eat and drink while standing show that they do it on the go, in a hurry. If a person sits down for a meal, he may eat less than usual and chew food more slowly, which has a positive effect on his health. It is also important to eat not alone, but together with relatives or friends, which is the most important way to strengthen brotherly relations between people.
10. Sleep on the right side
“When the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) went to sleep, he always slept on his right side.” (Bukhari)
If a person wants to feel good during the day and work productively, he should pay attention to how he sleeps. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) led the most productive life, and his way of sleeping helped him a lot in this. Following his example is the key to a wholesome and healthy life.
11. Saying the words "salam / bismillah" before entering the house
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
“If a person remembers Allah at the entrance to the house or while eating, the shaitan says to his assistants: “We have not found a place to sleep and supper.” But if a person enters without remembering Allah, the shaitan says: “We have a place to sleep,” and if he forgets to pronounce the name of Allah while eating, the shaitan says: “We found a place to sleep and also dinner.” (Muslim).
None of us wanted the devils to enter our house. So it is very important to seek refuge from evil forces. Entering the house, one should pronounce the name of Allah in order to close the way for the devil. His goal is to lead us astray from the path leading to the pleasure of Allah, so try to close all the ways through which he can enter your life. Don't let the enemy take over you!
12. Follow the "Three Knots" Method
Standing on the fudge for many of us is a whole problem. However, as we said before, the morning hours are a very blessed and valuable time for study, work, and Ibadat. The sad reality is that many of us miss this time because we are unable to get up on time for Fajr.
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
“When you sleep, Satan ties three knots at the back of each of your heads, and over each knot he utters the following words: “The night is long, so sleep tight.” If a person wakes up for Fajr and praises Allah, one knot is untied. When he performs ablution, the second knot is untied, and when he performs prayer, all the knots fall apart, and he gets up in the morning cheerful and in a good mood, otherwise, the person wakes up in a bad mood and lethargic ”(Bukhari).
This hadith offers us a plan of action for a successful life: get up for morning prayer, praise Allah, perform ablution and say prayer. Being cheerful and in a good mood are the ideal ingredients for a successful day, and you will achieve this if you follow this sunnah, insha Allah.
How happy we are that our religion offers us every opportunity for a successful and blessed life. Alhamdulillah!
An-Nadiriya. Full moon. 06/23/2013. After Maghreb
Today I went to the Friday prayer in the mosque, where the rows are carefully aligned and stand tightly in prayer. As we approached the house of Allah, the line of cars parked on the side of the road became more and more dense. Like the rows in this mosque. I still had the feeling that the street would begin to narrow. I thought I was about to bump into some car parked in the second row, then from the oncoming lane it will be the same ... and then cars that cannot pass, traffic jams ... nerves ...
But, to my surprise and contrary to expectations, I calmly drove to the mosque itself, not meeting a single car in the second row - the road was completely free.
Yes, there was no space for parking on the sidewalk. But there were no traffic jams: the cars passed quietly.
I drove past the mosque and drove about 500 meters until I found a place where I could leave the car without disturbing anyone to leave, pass, etc. I parked and headed towards the mosque. The excitement that I left for prayer late has passed. The mood immediately lifted.
Previously, when I was late for Friday prayers, I did not want to leave the car two kilometers away, but if I drove closer, I would get stuck in a traffic jam. Today I said to myself: “Praise be to Allah! The action carried out by the brothers against parking in the middle of the road has borne fruit. The brothers learned how to park according to the Sunnah!”
Often the parishioners of this mosque are called obscurantists. Many "modern people" who visit the mosque only on Fridays, with whom I had to go to the mosque in the same car, called its parishioners ill-mannered. They said that the main thing is not the beard that they leave, not the mustache that they cut short, not the pants that shorten ... But a normal upbringing, etc. But at the same time, these same people always left cars in the second row or left them in the middle of the road because they were “late”. In principle, it used to be the same with the parishioners of this mosque. However, it was worth making a little effort to remind the brothers of the hadeeth of the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) about those who leave obstacles on the roads that interfere with people, as the situation immediately changed. Today I said to myself: “How I love these “obscurantists”!”
Now you should not stop there, you need to move forward.
It is necessary to organize other actions and reminders to those who have not yet learned how to park according to the Sunnah. It should become reprehensible, condemned, unacceptable and alien. "The obscurantists with beards, short mustaches and ankle-length clothes" should become an incentive to correct this society and change it for the better. I see that this is already happening today! Moreover, the main factor, due to which a Muslim is ready to change for the better, is his beliefs. This is faith in Allah Almighty and the Day of Judgment.
My husband has been in Islam for the fourth year now, he performs prayers, fasts and visits the mosque. But almost always he is in a bad mood, is in such a depressive state that everything irritates him, including children. His constant occupation at home is the reading of religious books; nothing else interests him. He tells me how to behave towards people, that you need to restrain yourself, even if you are rude, what is good when guests come to the house, etc. I agree with all this, I myself am a Muslim. But what about your own family in which you live? We also need a good mood, which he rarely has, and a good attitude towards us. Yes, of course, he does not walk, does not drink, but living with such a person is also very difficult. I don't know what to do with it, what to say to him. Can I get a divorce on this basis?
I must say right away that I would not even advise divorcing him. He may have closed himself off a bit. By the way, according to statistics, it is difficult for men to deal with household issues and household chores. Therefore, when they come home from work, they usually watch TV, read newspapers or just go to bed. By nature, men usually give their best at work, and women love the household more, strive to create family comfort.
There are no ideal people, but your husband is close to this (does not drink, does not smoke, does not walk, etc.). At the same time, consider about yourself that a person (both a man and a woman) always lacks something. Finding complete harmony at work and with family, relatives and friends is very difficult. Agree that we ourselves invent problems for ourselves, believing that it should be better, and then we make titanic efforts to resolve these far-fetched problems.
You need to be a bit of a psychologist. Find the key to your husband. In no case do not reproach him, exclude an instructive tone in communicating with him. It is necessary to revive a little the different facets of your intra-family relations. Don't expect immediate results. The best worship of the Almighty is when a person does something good in a small amount, but constantly.
I sincerely advise you and your husband to slowly and thoughtfully read this book to the end. By reading it together, you will gradually and imperceptibly build "bridges" of intra-family understanding at the level of soul, heart and mind. Amen (may the Almighty accept these words like a prayer). It seems to me that you lack spiritual understanding and frankness in communication.
I repeat, I strongly advise you not to destroy the family. Finding the other half is extremely difficult, and even harder to get used to it, to become one.
Can a Muslim wife go to university (120 km away from her husband) for a few weeks. Donald, 23 years old.
With the consent of her husband, she can go to study if there are guarantees for her safety, if there is, for example, a relative who will take care of her there, or acquaintances. But the best option is to go with her husband, who took a vacation for this period, a day off.
Are spouses allowed to call each other by their first names? Or is it undesirable?
Canonically, this is not regulated in any way, and therefore a person is free to do as he wants.
I work and get paid. Does my husband have the right to ask how much I get and what I spend money on? When I say that I am not obliged to report to him about this, he reproaches that I should stay at home and raise children. I do not argue with this, but when I started working, I can at least buy something for my parents, to please them, my children, my beloved husband. Advise what to do in such situations: stay at home and raise children in poverty or work and spend it on your family? Layla, 25 years old.
Lack of maternal attention and proper home education can turn into a serious and costly problem in 10-15 years. There are many living examples of this. I advise you to devote yourself to work, career and gift shopping in 15 years, when the children are formed as individuals and are ready to start an independent life. Being a mom is a huge everyday job that requires the acquisition of many constantly improving skills. The choice is yours.
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Man! You have something that is enough for you [look around, take a closer look, you are rich and secure in many ways, appreciate it and develop]! You demand what will corrupt you. [Following on the occasion of frivolous desires or greedy rivalry, insatiability, you begin to cross the norms of morality, betray your true values: you lose yourself, your commitment to God and people; you lose the sense of the sacredness of family relationships.]
Human! You are not satisfied with the little [what you have], and you are not satisfied with the big [however numerous it may become]. [Take note of this and change your attitude to what is happening in order to be happy and grateful to the Creator under any circumstances.]
O son (daughter) of Adam! [O man!] If you meet the morning [of the new day] (1) in bodily health [you are healthy], (2) with a calm soul (heart) [nothing tears your heart apart, does not disturb you to the core] and (3) you have food for at least one day, then you can not be afraid of anything! [Everything is in your hands, before you are vast expanses of earthly possibilities, pray to the Lord for help, consistently do your best and never be afraid of anything!] ".
I am married to a Muslim, converted to Islam, pray and fast. My husband is an established man, a businessman. I am an artist, I paint still lifes and sell them to shops. My husband does not allow me to take money from the store myself, he takes it himself and does not give it back. He says that he urgently needs it, now for one thing, then for another. Can give, if only I strongly will ask. He says that this is our common money and I insult him by asking him to give it to me. He himself does not give money for me and for our child. He only buys food. Promises all the time and never delivers.
And further. My mother left me a large amount of money, so he took that too. I didn't see a dime. Tell me, is he doing the right thing or is it a sin? Elnara.
He is doing very wrong. According to Muslim canons, a husband cannot take away his wife's property and use the money she has earned. You should get a receipt from him stating that all the transferred amounts (money of your parents and earned by you on the sale of paintings) are borrowed from you and will be returned within a certain period. Talk to the store to not give your money to anyone other than you.
I'm wondering what kind of wife you have and whether you have an official registration. Your husband's behavior is more like the behavior of a swindler who put a "businessman" sign on himself.
I converted to Islam, married for two years. We have a small child. I was born in Moscow, my husband has been living in Moscow for a long time, his family is at home. They received me well, and there are no problems with this. I often visit his homeland, his relatives also visit us.
My husband loves our son very much, he does not have a soul in him. But here's the problem. I got married right after I graduated from college. Then she got pregnant and stayed at home, we lived in his uncle's apartment. I did not work, I did not have to pay for the apartment. The husband earned only for the most necessary, that is, for food. Then I had to move out of the apartment for eight months, and I went to live with my parents, and he went to his aunt.
Then I gave birth, I had to live together, rent an apartment. I only had money for a month's rent. In the third month after giving birth, I went to work to pay the rent. And for a year now I have been paying for the apartment, spinning as much as I can to earn money. And with the child I have time around the house. But it's hard for me. And the husband often repeats: “You haven’t seen how our women plow in the village.” He thinks I don't do anything.
I do not want to sound mercantile, but as far as I know, a husband should try to provide for his family. And it turns out the opposite. I'm very tired, I don't know what to do. Visit different thoughts. But I don’t want to part with him, my son needs a father. Tell me how should I be?
Replica. I have the same problem, my husband cannot support the family. He is a teacher and that says it all. But he still has a severe heart defect, he cannot work at night or do hard physical work. What about your husband? Maybe you should drop your ambitions and start loading and unloading (you can hint at this to him). If it is profitable for you to work, then let him take care of the child into his own hands. Islam does not forbid this.
Express to him your feelings that patience may come to an end, that in a state of congestion and nervousness it will be difficult for you to pay due attention to your son. And for yourself, keep in mind that depression and chronic fatigue can cause deep psychological trauma, which can be followed by severe physical illness, and you need to raise your son, as well as those children who are still born (God bless). Discuss all this with your husband without pretensions, trying to understand what is happening. If he ignores all your arguments, then (1) the guy needs a sobering blow to the head, which will help to look at what is happening in a new way, taking into account the feelings and experiences of others, (2) and you - rest and, at least, go to part-time.
My husband and I have been married for five years, but we live in different apartments. Is it permissible according to Shariah and Sunnah? Havva, 27 years old.
If each of you fulfills your marital duties, then it is up to you.
Does a husband have the right to force his wife to work? If you do not agree to this, then reproaches begin regarding the money, which, by the way, is spent on his own food and accommodation. Dilnaz, 30 years old.
He does not have such a right, since it is the husband who is the one who must provide for the family financially. Although, with mutual consent, the wife can also get a job.
1. The husband and wife are students, the husband moved to the second year, and the wife - to the fifth. The husband does not work, as he has a full-time education. And the wife studies and works at several jobs, gets tired. Can she complain to her husband that she is tired of working for two, and ask him to find a job as soon as possible? Or do you have to work and earn money in silence, without making claims to your spouse?
2. Isn't it a sin for her to complain to her husband and reproach him if he spends money on too much?
3. I read that the wife has the right to dispose of her earnings at her own discretion.
4. What argument can be given to a Muslim to tear him away from a computer game, so that he helps with the housework or does something useful?
5. The husband studies at a serious university, he entered there thanks to the grace of the Almighty (he was lucky in the exams, there was very little knowledge), but due to the lack of the simplest educational knowledge (he even learned to solve the quadratic equation with great difficulty) he cannot pass the exams with his mind. At school in his country, he studied only the Koran and Arabic. If he does not use a cheat sheet or someone's hint, he will fail all the exams and will be expelled, as a result of which he and his wife will lose their housing - a student hostel from the university. There is no housing. What to do: flunk exams, get expelled, lose your home, or use dishonest exam methods? Will the Almighty forgive his cheat sheets? Irada, 21 years old.
1. It is worth not making claims, but discussing the problem together. Joint reflections and analysis of what is happening, as well as the future, are useful.
2. There is no sin if her remarks are polite, restrained and prudent.
3. She has every right to do so.
4. Don't say anything. Sooner or later his conscience will wake up. The fact that a person is a Muslim does not yet relieve him of laziness and the desire to mess around.
5. Work on yourself, not play computer games. Work day and night.
If there is little knowledge, then with a high probability we can say that cheat sheets will not help him either. The teacher, by asking additional questions, will easily bring him to clean water. The way out is before it's too late to take up the mind and textbooks, restoring the gaps (or even large holes) in knowledge. If you show the strength of will and spirit, then you can succeed in any business. For a man there is nothing that he could not would achieve. If he claims this, then, most likely, just doesn't want strive, try. And in this case, it is worth thinking about the purpose of obtaining the chosen education: is it necessary at all? Imagine a doctor who has been entrusted with the health of a patient, and he can only make a diagnosis at random, “according to a cheat sheet” ...
What is the position of a person who was offered to leave his home for the sake of calling other people to Islam, but he refused, because he did not want to leave his family (parents, sisters, brothers), wanting to help his family spiritually and materially? Is it considered that he acted selfishly and neglected this path for his own personal benefit?
It is not the duty of a Muslim to be a missionary. But there is an obligation to financially provide for the family and help loved ones, while observing daily spiritual and religious practices. This person should overcome, achieve, create, and he will prove to himself what he is capable of. Don't waste time thinking about the past. Much needs to be done in the present.
Ideally, you can't. It is better not to take dirty linen out of the hut. The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Indeed, in the worst position before God on the Day of Judgment will be those husband or wife who divulged intra-family secrets (secrets) transmitted (revealed) by one of them to another [especially for secrets intimate nature]".
Non-disclosure of the intimate side of family life is the duty of the husband to his wife, as well as vice versa. Disclosure is one of the great sins.
Share your thoughts and experiences with your mother, for example, or with someone in your family who can listen carefully and give wise advice. Discussing intra-family issues, and even more so the sins of your husband (beaten, insulted) with a girlfriend or anyone else, you are committing a sin. In your case, when you cannot independently find a way out of the emotional impasse that has developed in your head, it is possible to briefly discuss what is happening with the person closest to you without details in order to find a way out and correctly formulate your attitude to what is happening.
By the way, if a husband beats his wife, it's not normal. Measures should be taken so that mental "malaise" does not develop into a big problem. I think that thoughtful and unobtrusive communication with your loved one at the right time for this, as well as reading the relevant literature on family psychology, will help you with this. Life is an exam, and therefore it is always important to study, work on yourself and think with your head.
I am married to a Muslim and a practicing Muslim myself. My husband has friends who read namaz, but their spouses do not.
As far as I know, in Islam women are not supposed to sit with non-mahram men at the same table. Sometimes his friends invite us to visit, where everyone is sitting at the same table. From the point of view of Sharia, what do you think: should you stay at home or go to visit? Aisulu.
You can go on a visit, the main thing is that you have awrah covered.
1. If the wife was offered a job, during which she would have to be alone next to an outsider, in the same office, what should I do? Forbid? By the grace of the Almighty, there is no urgent need for my wife to go to work, since my earnings are enough, but she voluntarily expressed a desire to work, arguing that she does not want to stay at home, she wants to develop, communicate with people, etc. The wife has not yet begun to observe religious practice. Our children (daughter 4 years old, son 2.5) go to kindergarten. What can you advise?
2. Do children need to go to kindergarten or is it better to take care of them at home? Personally, I am a supporter of the spouse taking care of children and being at home, since no one knows better than her what is good for our children. But she does not want to spend the whole day at home, she often complains about it, she gets tired of having two children. I understand her. You can invite an assistant to help her around the house. I don't want to put a lot of pressure on her and forbid her everything. Tell me, please, from a religious point of view and from your own experience, how should we be?
3. Perhaps you know that the Kazakhs have such a tradition: the only or youngest son should stay with his parents. This is my case, I am the only son. My wife and children and I live with my parents. Although we have the opportunity to live separately from them. My father is still ten years away from retirement, and his parents are well off.
I became a religious practitioner a year and a half ago and I try, if possible, to involve my wife and children in following the canons, but my parents are categorically against this. My daughter and son saw me praying a couple of times, and my daughter asked what I was doing and why. I tried to explain to her, and she began to repeat after me. One fine day, she took out her towel, spread it on the floor in front of my parents, and, taking the appropriate posture, began to explain to her little brother how to pray. Parents, to put it mildly, were not themselves. My mom really hit on me after that. Like, don't bother the kids. She even insisted that I put a latch on the door and close it during prayer. While there is not enough experience, I do not know how to arrange everything. If you leave and live separately, your parents will be offended. And so I want to speak openly, explain to my children about Islam, slowly lay the foundation. I tried to talk to my parents about this topic a couple of times, but they categorically refuse to listen. They say that I do not develop, but on the contrary - I return to the Middle Ages. They do not deny God, they believe, but do not see it necessary to practice religion, they do not even want to take the Koran into their hands.
1. I advise you to actively engage in the development of children. When they are 13–15 years old and they will successfully study in a good lyceum or, for example, they will transfer to an educational institution that will open up prospects for them to receive education abroad, and the children will already be formed personalities with their own system of values and authorities, as well as everyday discipline, then you, parents, can let them go on a free swim, which activates their growth and development in the direction that was set in the family, first of all - by your spouse. By actively developing children, using smart books, trainings and technologies, the wife will have the prospect of her own serious intellectual and emotional development. This is hard work, but it will pay off handsomely both in the earthly abode and in the eternal. Developing children spiritually, she herself will grow spiritually, encouraging the kids to physical development, disciplines herself in matters of everyday physical activity, thus being a living example of comprehensive development.
The desire to get a job at this stage in her case is the desire to hang out and dress up for someone. In a few years, she will realize that this was a serious mistake, and the opportunity to catch up will no longer present itself.
Until the moment when children can be allowed to swim freely, we have to work with them. Ten years of intensive investment will give serious dividends (with the blessing of God). Then, already having a serious experience in the development and formation of a person, you can join the process of career growth, get a job or organize your own business.
2. Kindergarten is important for a child's development. But it is not necessary to be limited only to them, in the evening and on weekends, development continues already at home. During the day, the spouse can calmly deal with household and household issues, and also must rest on time and develop comprehensively in order to be emotionally restrained and wise in relationships with her husband and children in the evening.
3. It would be right for your family to live separately, for example nearby. You will visit your parents on holidays and weekends. I say this no longer because of their opinions about religion, I rather mean the creation of long-term and harmonious relationships in your family. Parents, you and your children are three different generations, and the stages of development today are no longer calculated in centuries, but in 5–10 years. Consider this. Parents should be respected and honored, but it is not worth being on a leash with anyone.
This is the meaning of the words spoken by the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).
Hadith from Ibn ‘Umar; St. X. al-Bayhaky and others. See, for example: Zaglul M. Mavsu‘a atraf al-hadith an-nabawi ash-sharif. T. 1. S. 42; al-Suyuty J. Al-jami ‘as-sagyr. S. 10, Hadith No. 65, Sahih.
The exception is when she personally and without coercion approves of it and agrees with it.
By the way, your husband, being accomplished and wealthy, I hope he gave you a generous wedding gift?
Hadith from Abu Sa'id; St. X. Muslim. See: an-Naisaburi M. Sahih Muslim [Code of Hadith of Imam Muslim]. Riyadh: al-Afkyar al-dawliya, 1998, p. 570, hadiths no. 123-(1437) and 124-(1437); al-Suyuty J. Al-jami ‘as-sagyr. S. 150, Hadith No. 2491, Sahih.
There are intra-family topics or issues related, for example, to health, intimate relationships, business qualities, etc., which are shared by a husband and wife and which should remain only between them. So, if a husband or wife makes this kind of information available to others, then this is regarded as a very pernicious sin, with which a person will appear before God on Judgment Day, far from being in the best shape. The exception is medical or other consultations.
See, for example: Nuzha al-muttakin. Sharh riad as-salihin [Walk of the righteous. Commentary on the book "Gardens of the Good"]. In 2 vols. Beirut: al-Risala, 2000. Vol. 1. S. 486, Hadith No. 1/685 and an explanation to it.
Please help me, I am in a very difficult life situation right now. I am married to a believing Muslim, he lives in another city, reads namaz, lives according to the Sunnah. We have been married for almost two years, and I live in Moscow.
It is very difficult to live at a distance: either he comes to me, then I come to him, he cannot move to Moscow to live, because he has a career, a job, and in Moscow he has nothing and no connections to work here. He hides our relationship from his parents, says that they will not understand and will not accept me, since I have a child from my first marriage, I was already married and I am of a different nationality.
I recently converted to Islam, began to observe all the requirements of religion about two years ago, alhamdulillah, read namaz, wear a hijab and try to live according to the Sunnah. Insha'Allah, I'm due to give birth to a child one of these days, but my husband is not around; he will come for a few days, only to meet me from the hospital, and then he will go back to his place. He says that after the New Year I should move to live with him. But I asked him how we will live there if his parents never accept me, and he replied that he would rent an apartment, which would provide for me and the child, but would continue to hide our existence from our parents.
It turns out that he will live with his parents, and spend most of his time with me and the child, sometimes he will even spend the night with us. We love each other very much, but I don't know: what should I do? What should I do in such a situation? I told my husband to tell my parents everything and make a decision, but he says that he is not ready to go against his parents, he says that he is even ready to suffer and lose his personal life, just so that his parents feel good. It turns out that his child and wife must suffer... His father is an unbeliever, he is very strict, he threw all religious books out of the house...
I know that parents should be respected and obeyed, but what if they go against religion and do not allow their own sons to live? Is my husband doing the right thing? What should I do, what should I do? I do not want a divorce, because I love my husband very much, and he also loves me and suffers. But it doesn’t suit me to live like that either, I want my husband to always be there, at any moment.
Please help me, give me advice for the sake of Allah, I feel so bad, I have to give birth the other day, I cry every day, I can’t sleep at night, I’m very nervous. I feel like my baby is suffering a lot inside. Are there any verses from the Koran, hadiths, confirming that a husband should live with his family, and not with his parents?
Answer:
In terms of religion:
First of all, I would like to sincerely congratulate you on your conversion to Islam. According to the hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), with the adoption of Islam, all sins are forgiven, and life, as they say, begins with a clean slate.
Islam as a true religion emanating from the Creator of all Existing, including all people, all races and all nationalities, does not divide people into races, nationalities, or any other criteria, except for the level of their piety. This is what the Almighty Himself says in the Qur'an (meaning): The most worthy and venerable - the most God-fearing! "(Sura Al-Hujurat, verse 13).
إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِنْدَاللَّهِ أَتْقَاكُمْ
However, some people are still overcome by their traditions, customs, principles, and not by the laws and norms of Islam. These people may include your spouse's parents. The unwillingness of parents to accept a daughter-in-law of a girl of a different nationality is not sinful - but as long as it is not caused by nationalism, hostility to one or another nationality. According to Sharia, children, no matter how old they are, are obliged to obey their parents, if what they say is not prohibited by religion.
In the matter of marrying this or that woman, the son has the right not to obey his parents, since this is his life and he will have to live with his wife, and not with his parents. In any case, you are obliged, both according to Shariah, and as a loving and respectful spouse to obey him. Including moving, if he so desires. The hadeeth of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) says: the best of you is the one who is the best for his family, and I am the best of you in relation to my family ” (Sunan Ibn Maja, No. 1967).
خيرُكم خيركم لأهله وأناخيرُكم لأهلي
There is nothing reprehensible or forbidden in the fact that he lives with his parents. You knew from the start what you were getting into. In addition, when you move to the city in which he lives, and even when you give birth to a child from him, I am more than sure that he will spend much more time with you, and later, perhaps, he will completely move to you. Just be patient and everything will work out.
From the point of view of psychology:
Unfortunately, the situation you describe is quite common. And the whole problem is that there is no ready-made solution to such problems, in each individual case it is necessary to deal with it personally. First of all, it is necessary to separate the objective factors from everything else, and then it will already be clear what can be sacrificed and what can be gained.
Undoubtedly, for your husband, the objective reason for what is happening is his attitude towards his own parents - this is the side of the problem that cannot be ignored. You must clearly realize for yourself the fact that your husband will not go against them and will not sacrifice them for his own well-being. Whether this is good or bad is a separate, moral question.
One thing is clear: a person who treats his parents with respect, even if they are unbelievers, in principle has a good heart and high moral responsibility. This is already a definite plus, since these moral qualities will positively affect your family. You love him, and this already indicates that you see positive aspects in him. Assess the situation as a whole, determine the boundaries beyond which he will not go. I perfectly understand your feelings, that you want to see him as often as possible, so that the child sees his father next to him (this will be discussed separately), to feel a man’s shoulder next to him, to feel more confident in front of others.
The fact is that by demanding decisive action from him, you seriously risk aggravating the situation and setting him against you. It is unacceptable to put your husband in a situation of choice: either you or his parents, because the choice in your case is obvious, although it is painful for both parties.
No matter how hard it is, it's better to keep what you have than to regret the lost later. Imagine for yourself the most terrible scenario for the development of events and compare with what we have now. I say this for the reason that there is a risk of losing everything and further aggravating the situation.
Further. Life is extremely unpredictable, and it is premature to make sad predictions. If you give your husband the opportunity to calmly weigh everything, think it over, then there is a chance that he himself will find the perfect way to correct the situation. Alternatively, you can discuss with him the possibility of your moving closer to him, not necessarily to his hometown, just closer. Try to listen to your own heart, what it tells you, where it pushes you. Sometimes the conversations and advice of others can greatly influence your opinion and incline you to a decision that can ruin everything.
It is important for you now to focus on your own health. Do not overshadow your pregnancy with sad thoughts, think about the good that is between you. Correspond with him, talk about your feelings - in general, try to do everything so that your husband feels close to you, knows how your pregnancy is going. This will develop in him responsibility for the child, awareness of his paternity. In the future, this will positively affect your relationship.
Now for your child. Talk to him about your father as often as possible, let's listen to his voice on the phone, show photos and videos. A child should not be allowed to feel cut off from his father, without parental attention.
Just for yourself, be sure that everything will work out in the best way, and calmly wait for a positive development of events. Now much is in your hands and in the hands of your spouse. Don't put conditions on each other. Remember that you love each other and keep the good things you have.
Muhammad-Amin Magomedrasulov
Aliaskhab Anatolievich Murzaev
psychologist-consultant of the Center for Social Assistance to Families and Children
Question:
I met a woman through the Internet. Before that, he was a widower for ten years, raised his son, he is already 15 years old. The woman wrote to me herself. She worked for four years as a prostitute. She wanted to repent, pray, fast, live according to Sharia. I fell in love with her, believed her, wanted to help her get out of this mud. She came to Russia to my house, everything suited her, we did it in mosques. Lived normally in the first months. She had two sons, the eldest was 17 years old, the second son was 12 years old. I arranged for my eldest son to study in a madrasah and in a day college. But he let me down and left the madrasah, but stayed to study at the construction college. Children and her parents love and respect me, they want her to live with me.
For a year and a half, she deceived me. She was given a visa for a month, she lived with me even less than a month and left for three months, then again the same way. I did not want to go to the registry office. I sent her money all the time, dressed her children and herself. She came only to take money. I just realized it now. The last time in mid-August this year I came for money, I gave her 25,000 rubles in her hands to dress the children for my own needs. Then she left and wrote to me via WhatsApp that she did not want to live with me. She deceived me, for all this time I spent more than 350 thousand rubles on her, I remember this and wrote it down. She was supposed to come with documents for the registry office, but she wrote that she did not want to live with me at all.
I went to visit them without warning. I go to their house, she attacked me: “Why did you come, who called you? Go wherever you want,” etc. I was shocked. Her parents and children came running, put her in her place, and I was received as a guest. They all love me. It's time for prayer, I tell her: "Let's perform prayer." She yells at me: "You need it - you do it." I was shocked by this. So for all these three days she did not pray with me, she walked along the street without a hijab. She told me: “I am young, beautiful, I can marry a rich man, a young man, but I will never pray.” She left the religion of Islam, but I love her and still help her children with money.
Of course, I want to return her, but she asks me: “Give up everything - pray, keep fasting, remove your beard, leave your parents, and I will be yours, and I want to live in another city.” I answered her that I would not leave prayer, fasting and my parents, whom I take care of them. Mom is 83, dad is 85 years old, I take care of them. At home I do everything myself, you can say that the house rests on me. But I myself am also a disabled person of the third group, varicose veins of the leg, an open ulcer, it’s hard, but I don’t lose heart, for everything, alhamdulillah.
She told me all the time how she and her friends were engaged in prostitution, and I recorded it all on a dictaphone, I keep everything. I want her back, but can I, although I love her madly. Before nikah, I also swore by Allah that she would never get a divorce. She knows about it. How can I do it, tell me please. Should I try to get my money back or should I try to get her back by blackmailing her with dictaphone recordings? Do I have the right to demand money? She didn't really live with me. She cheated and used me. I have already told my parents and relatives and my eldest son who she worked for. But I did not deceive, I told the truth, they are not judged for the truth.
I can no longer love another woman. Maybe I should try blackmailing her to get her to live with me? She wants to return to the sinful occupation, says that it brings good money. Basically, what should I do? Please, help. I myself have been in Islam since 1992, and my son too. But this is the first time I've encountered such a situation, and I never thought that this would happen to me. Thank you for your reply in advance.
Answer:
Praise be to Allah, the Merciful and the All-Compassionate! May Allah bless and greet the Prophet Muhammad, his family, his family, his companions and his followers until the Day of Judgment! Amen.
There are moments that require clarification and an answer from the Islamic alim. For example, the validity of your nikah, because if it denies prayer, uraza, etc. - most likely, your nikah will not be valid anymore. If she does not deny them, but simply does not commit them, the answer will be different. Also, ask an Islamic scholar about your oath - what do you do with it now?
I advise you to do tawakul (trust in Allah) and accept the departure of your spouse. How can you live with a person and share life with him when he does not want this? What kind of a full-fledged family can we talk about when you and her have completely different values? How do you imagine life with her based on blackmail, and not love, trust, respect and gratitude to each other? Think about what kind of relationship it will be between you? Do you really want to spend your life with a person who is not interested in you, who does not respect your authority, does not share your values? Can you trust her with your property? And how will she behave when you are in a difficult situation or will need her help? I'm not talking about the fact that she does not obey you and violates the laws of Allah. Will you not be accountable to Allah for the conduct of your wife?
Family life is not limited to intimacy alone. Marriage relations have a much deeper content and a variety of feelings and emotions built on the basis of a common worldview, love and mercy for each other. It’s not for me to tell you about this, because you had a lot of experience in family life with your late wife.
You have lived alone for a long time after the death of your wife, and you want the intimate component of marriage, like any man. But think about what price you want to get what you want?! And is all this worth what you are going to go for? After all, relationships that are not based on sincerity (on the part of the wife) are short-lived and have a completely different quality. Also, her demands that you stop standing prayers, keep an eye, stop taking care of elderly parents carry a danger to the most important thing in this life, for which, in fact, we live on this earth, that is, to worship Almighty Allah. Think about what you can expect from such a woman in the future? After all, the best of the human race - Muhammad, may Allah bless him and welcome him, said:
“This world is given for temporary use, and the best thing in this world is a righteous wife” (Muslim).
“A grateful heart, a tongue that remembers Allah and a righteous wife who will help you in the affairs of this world and in religion are better than what people save!” (al-Bayhaqi in "Shu'abul-Iman" "Sahih al-jami').
Whoever Allah has given a righteous wife, He has helped him in half of the religion. (Narrated by Anas, narrated by al-Hakim).
Therefore, it is important to have a marital relationship with a woman who will help you in matters of piety and faith, and not vice versa (turn you away from religion). Think about what you gain by living with this woman, and how does this affect your religion and your earthly life? After all, you are a person whom Allah has endowed with intelligence, which means the ability to make a choice between good and evil. Avoid being unfair to yourself, that is, hurting yourself in both worlds with your wrong choices.
Think about marrying a woman who will sincerely love you for the sake of Allah. Then you will succeed in both worlds, inshaAllah. Ask Allah to replace your loss with something better than what you lost.
Give up your idea to get the return of your wife or money spent by blackmail. It won't fix the situation, it will only make it worse. Give up all thoughts of achieving the return of your spouse, in particular, by moral pressure on her by her relatives and friends. Do not tell her secrets, because those people to whom you tell about her secrets are unlikely to be able to influence her lifestyle, but you can ruin her relationship with them.
Try to treat the departure of your wife as a predestination of the Almighty, in which there is good for you. Ask Allah for what is good for you. Occupy yourself with what benefits you in both worlds. Communicate with righteous people, get knowledge on religion. Help in word and deed those who are in the path of Allah (that is, do what is approved by Him), so that his reward for virtue goes to you, inshaAllah.
I wish your soul a blessed sakina. And praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds! Amen.
Psychologist Elvira Sadrutdinova