Advice for parents “What to do if the child does not want to clean up after himself toys? How to teach a child to clean up after himself toys? consultation on the topic A four-year-old girl puts away her toys and sentences

Anna Bykova teacher, practicing psychologist, art therapist and mother of two sons

Cleaning toys worries parents both in itself and as part of raising an independent child and preparing him for kindergarten. What is the risk of a mother who does not involve the baby in putting things in order, believing that it is faster and easier to do everything herself? Psychologist Anna Bykova in her new book "How to Become a Lazy Mom" tells how exactly a "lazy mom" is useful for.

How to teach a child to clean up toys? This question is asked to me very often. In terms of popularity, the problem of cleaning toys comes right after the top three (potty training, problems with sleep and appetite). To be honest, I do not know of a single working algorithm, as a result of which each child will immediately begin to clean up after themselves. All children are different. We need different approaches, different arguments. Therefore, I simply give “toy stories” as material for reflection and search for a solution that may suit a particular mother and a particular child.

Story one: what toys like

Kindergarten, group of three-year-olds. A typical situation: they grabbed all the toys from the shelves, played with them and immediately abandoned them. It never occurs to anyone that toys should be removed. What for?

I call the children to me.

- Guys, do you like to return home after playing in the kindergarten?

- And if you stayed in the garden for the night? If they forgot to pick you up? Would you like it?

- So the toys have their own houses, where they like to return after the game! Toys don't like being thrown around and forgotten about. Let's all return the toys to their houses, where they will be happy. Where do our dolls live?

Morality. It is easier to convey a thought to a child if you rely on his experience.

Story Two: A Cleaning Tale

Sasha is three years old. With his imagination, it seems that even toys are not needed. To have fun, a roll of toilet paper is enough for him. Cars drive along a snow-covered track, the track is a soft two-layer roll rolled around the apartment. “Oops,” I think, “again, I didn’t have time to hide the last roll. It’s already late, I don’t feel like going to the store, I’ll have to use paper handkerchiefs ... "

And at this time, a snow storm began. The soft two-layer one turned from a ribbon-like one ... I don’t know what it turned into. The whole floor is strewn with small pieces. Satisfied Sasha rolls "in the snow", sprinkling himself with "snowflakes".

It's time for sleep. You should clean up before bed. But mom needs it, not Sasha, Sasha is satisfied with the "drifts". And mom doesn't like the mess. If mom commands: “Collect the garbage!” - Sasha will object: “This is not garbage! This is snow! Let it lie!”. So, you need to convince the child that the snow needs to be collected.

- Sash, Santa Claus really needs your snow.

- Yes?! What for?

- It's May. The snow has melted. Santa Claus is hot. And your snow does not melt. Santa Claus will protect you from the sun with snow. Let's rake all the snow in this bag.

“Mom,” Sasha asks, already sweeping scraps of paper into the bag, “how will the snow get to Santa Claus?”

- How, how, - I think out of the blue, - we will leave the package on the balcony. He will come and pick you up.

Sasha carefully collected all the "snowflakes" into a bag.

The eldest, Arseniy (he heard everything) carefully asked me about the ethics of such motivation:

Mom, are you lying?

No, I'm not cheating. I invent a fairy tale for Sasha, and he plays it. Is it bad for anyone?

Morality. Any activity for a child will be more attractive if it can be turned into a game.

Story Three: Divide the Task into Pieces

Sasha is four years old. I set a task for him: to remove the toys. He starts whining that it's a long time, that there are a lot of toys, that he won't cope, that he will get tired and that it would be nice to help him.

There is such a mess in the nursery that even I had the feeling that it was impossible to clean it up.

- Well, - I say, - now collect only the cars in this box.

The task is simple and clear, and Sasha quickly copes.

- And now only the cubes in this box ... And now all the soldiers in this box ... Well, now, it remains only to pick up the garbage.

Morality. If the task seems abstract and impossible, it should be broken down into concrete simple subtasks.

Story four: how many toys do you need?

New kindergarten. The group has just been recruited. There are several dolls, several hares, several cars, a couple of designers. There are ten children who have learned to clean up toys after themselves in two weeks of being in kindergarten.

Children quickly learned where hares, dolls, cars and cubes "live". Cleaning up after the game was easy. And then they bought new games and toys for the kindergarten: finger puppets, dishes, a “hospital”, balls, more constructors, pyramids, puzzles, mosaics, animals, a railway, trains with trailers, lotto, dominoes ...

I put everything on the shelves, according to the principle of each toy - its place. And in the morning the children came and swept everything on the floor. Not from evil, of course, and not from hooligan motives. It's just how they play. At the age of two or three years, simple manipulations with objects are more common: they turn it in their hands and throw it on the floor. The more toys on the shelves, the more then on the floor.

But now it's time for dinner. Children do not have the strength and patience to clean up. They were able to lift toys from the floor, but classifying and putting them in their places is an impossible task for them.

Morality. There should be as many toys within reach as the child can pick up.

R.S. After that, I left the old set of toys plus pyramids. And new toys were introduced gradually, as the children remembered where to put what. Offering a new toy, telling how to play with it, I did not forget to show “her place of residence”. There were some hints: on a shelf or a box I pasted an image of the toy that “lives” there. If the child forgot where to put the pyramid, he simply looked for the corresponding picture on the shelf.

Story five: the one who cleans plays

Periodically, not only new toys appeared in the group, but also new children. They didn't know how to clean up toys according to the rules. And some still did not want to learn it.

— Yegorka, why don't you clean up? All the guys put the toys in their places, and you continue to play.

- I'm tired.

- If you are tired, sit here, on a chair, rest. When you relax or get bored, come help us.

Sitting in a chair is boring. But I don't want to help. The guys put away toys, drank juice and went for a walk. There are also toys on the street: cars, scoops, shovels, balls.

- Yegorka, why are you taking a spatula? And suddenly you get tired?

- Egorka, don't touch the typewriter. Sit, rest.

- Yegorka, why are you taking the ball? Then you also need to put it in its place, and you get tired ...

Yegorka can't stand it:

- Yes, I will not get tired!

- Will you take it later?

- Good. Take what you want, but be sure to return it to its place.

Morality. Who does not clean up after himself, he does not play!

P.S. At home, I implemented this rule as follows: if the toys remained on the floor after the game (what a stubbornness!), I put them in a box on the mezzanine and took them out only after a week.

P.P.S. A participant in my training for parents told a story about applying the same rule in a fairy tale format familiar to a child:

- Toys must be removed. I taught, I taught my son to this, for two years we cleaned the toys together, and then one day the son objected: “I won’t do it, let them lie like that.” Well, let them lie, let's go to sleep. And in the morning we wake up - the toys are lined up at the front door, getting ready to leave! Dima to them: where are they going? “Look for new owners and new houses, otherwise it’s cold on the floor.” We looked: the racing car slipped through, skittles and a couple of books managed to escape when dad came out. Dimka and I went to look for them. It turns out that the concierge managed to catch the fugitives! The concierge was given candy in gratitude for her vigilance. And the toys now always sleep in their places.

Discussion

Useful article. She also hid uncleaned toys, they say they were offended and hid.

Comment on the article "How to teach a child to put away toys? 5 stories"

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How many families, so many opinions. Some families categorically believe that the child should clean up the scattered things and toys, and it cannot be otherwise. There are families that allow their child to play wherever they want, with whatever they want and not clean up the playing field. And there are families that are undecided. And over and over again they change their tactics of behavior.

How many families, so many opinions. And only you can decide how you want to raise your baby.

If you decide to bring up accuracy and a sense of order in your baby, then you should decide from what age stage you are going to do this, and how the upbringing will take place.

If the parents nevertheless made such a decision, then for its successful implementation, I have selected elementary recommendations for you.

The request should be expressed in a friendly tone. This is not an order or a punishment. Cleaning up can be a great finishing touch to the game.

If your baby is still too young to understand what is happening and cannot clean by himself, do the cleaning together with the child.

It is important to say out loud what things and where you put them, what box you put the constructor in, and why you are doing these actions.

This stage is long and laborious. But if every time you carry out such a "procedure" of cleaning, respecting goodwill, the baby will soon understand everything himself and will clean up without your full help.

Remember the baby grows by your example. Your baby can't get into the habit of putting things away if you don't take care of yourself and your things.

Leave clothes, books, dishes without cleaning. And soon the baby will understand that this is how it should be, you should not clean up after yourself if mom and dad do not do this.

Let's help the baby clean up, for this we will make markings on the boxes in which the toys are stored.

For example, on the box in which the dolls are stored, stick a picture with a beautiful princess. On a package with Lego or a designer, we will depict what your child most often makes from this toy.

Follow your toddler's directions. The baby will enjoy this immensely! And during the game you will find out how the baby treats your requests!

You should not leave cleaning for the evening, especially if it causes negative feelings for both the baby and you.

But there is one "but".

If cleaning symbolizes the baby's going to bed of his favorite toys, and is for the child a ritual of his own falling asleep, then, naturally, you clean up before falling asleep.

If the rule of cleaning is hard for you, then your child should know about it. Tell your child that you will tell him a story or sculpt with him only in a clean and tidy room.

Also, the child must understand that this is a rule for the whole family. Otherwise, you seem to be deceiving him. You ask him for one thing, but you yourself do not fulfill it.

Also refuse the ultimatum "If you do not remove the toys, then I will not tell you a fairy tale." The kid understands such a statement in such a way that every day he should earn the affection of his parents.

Summary.

What to do if the child does not clean up after himself toys?

Decide with yourself if you need it.
You are a model. The kid will not want to do the cleaning if he sees that adults do not do it.
Make cleaning a game together.
When you put children's toys in order, explain to the child why you are doing this, where you put the toys, etc.
Cleaning is not an order or a punishment. This is your kind request.
Label boxes and drawers according to their purpose and contents.
Try to demand from the baby according to age and according to his strength.
The most enjoyable activity is the game. Let cleaning be a fun game!
If needed, cleaning can be a bedtime ritual.

Happy growing up!

A child who does not clean up after himself toys, over time, can become a real slob and lazy. Most often, such people annoy and alarm others.

It would seem that it's okay if a mother picks up scattered things after her daughter or son. When this behavior is repeated over and over again, the child begins to think that this is normal. He will scatter everything, and the parents will pick it up and put it away.

In less than a year, the baby will get so used to this order that requests to clean up after themselves things will lead him to bewilderment and irritation. And it will cost parents a lot of work to retrain their child.

When to teach order?

The earlier the better. As soon as the baby starts walking. If he is able to move himself, then he is already ready to explore his surroundings to the fullest. As a rule, a baby who grabs and scatters his toys in different corners brings tenderness to his mother and all grandmothers. Delight can drag on for a long time, and at this time the child develops a habit - throwing toys likes and pleases others. So this is what you need to do all the time!

You should not write off children's pranks for a small age. Like, it will pass, and it’s too early to accustom him to accuracy. The kid is cute, of course. In order for it to remain like this for a longer time, it is necessary to lay the foundations of correct behavior in it from an early age.

For a child of one to three years, there is nothing more interesting than a game. Cleaning up toys can also be turned into a fun activity. You can divide the toys into several different piles: the baby will take part of it himself, the mother will take the other. You can come up with different drawers and baskets for small, soft toys. It will be interesting for dad and son to play the game "Who will throw more balls." Where will it drop? Well, of course, in a place specially provided for them.

You can stick different pictures on the boxes, which will help you quickly find the things you need for the game. Ideally, it is necessary to divide together with the child all his property into ready-to-play sets, each of which will lie in a separate container with a special icon. At the same time, you need to constantly pronounce the rule: “Before a new game, we remove the old one in place.”

Preschooler

For older preschool children, simply putting away toys will not be interesting. We need to add a competitive element to the game. Let the order in the room be brought to speed, followed by going out into the street or eating ice cream together.

It should be borne in mind that one child is rarely interested. That's why at first it is necessary to teach him to clean up toys together with the whole family. Many here may say: “I need the child to clean up the toys himself so that I don’t have to sit with him.” In this case, one can only answer the following: until the child gets used to work, to household duties, he cannot be left alone. Only the time spent together will instill in the offspring a desire to help. Otherwise, in a few years, actions that were interesting at a tender age will become a bone of contention between a parent and an adult child.

Another common mistake parents make is to constantly brush off the child and demand that he not climb. Often in the desire to disassemble your closet with things or arrange pots in the kitchen lies the same desire for order. By limiting these desires, the mother herself kills accuracy and diligence in the child.

Note to parents:

Don't change your mind a hundred times a day. If you want your child to put away toys, you do not need to send him to dinner or dress outside five minutes after the start of cleaning.
If you decide it's time to learn self-reliance, don't change your mind another day. Once started, it means that the requirement must be maintained every day.
It is desirable that all household members maintain the same line of behavior. If mom demands cleanliness, while dad grins and makes jokes, the child will sooner or later repeat the act of his father.
When accustoming to any business - cleaning toys, making a bed, brushing teeth, etc. - explain to the child why this is necessary. It should not be a requirement like "I'm a mom, and I said so." The child must understand what he is doing, why and why.
Demands and orders are always less useful than a tactful remark or request. Do not turn an ordinary household chore into an occasion for a daily scandal. The child hears calm speech much better. Already by 30 seconds of screaming, his brain ceases to perceive everything that is said later.
Praise and a kind word should become a habit of parents. There is nothing difficult in encouraging the kid for the work done. Especially if it's well done.
Pay attention to yourself and other family members. Do you clean your things? Do you keep order? Children completely copy the behavior of their parents, taking it as a standard. When there is a mess at home, and only the youngest member of the family should clean up, this will cause just indignation and protest.

Schoolboy

Of course, if the toys are not removed by a school-age child, this is already more difficult. Perhaps the habit of cleaning up after oneself was not formed in early childhood and now parents will have to do it twice as hard.

It is possible to correct the situation, but it will require all the endurance and willpower of adults.

For starters, you can try to solve the problem peacefully. Agreement, reasonable compromises. Many children are easy to contact if the parents keep their promises. The spoken words should be well weighed, because then you can’t retreat. A child who has caught his parents in a lie will remember this and in the future will not succumb to persuasion and promises. An agreement like "cleanliness and order in the room in exchange for a long-awaited trip to the 5D cinema" can have the desired effect. If a compromise cannot be reached, more desperate measures can be taken.

As an additional incentive to clean up toys, you can purchase a puppy. Preferably a breed that likes to ruffle everything that lies badly. Broken and gnawed toys can force a child to clean everything up in time.

A completely rude method, used in exceptional cases, is to collect all the toys in a bag and remove them from the house altogether. Give to a shelter, church or friends. Someone dares to just throw it away. Cruel and harsh, but sometimes helps. It is worth noting that this method borders on extremes, because the result can be much worse than expected. Order in the house may not increase, but relations with the child will seriously deteriorate. Adult children can remember this incident for a long time, but not a lesson, but an insult will remain in their memory.

Conclusion

Any dispute is best resolved peacefully. You can negotiate with a child of any age. Parents know the character of their children well enough and can find a method of influence, given the weaknesses of the child. If you cannot do this on your own, you can consult a child psychologist. By the way, it will also help to understand how serious the problem is.

Often the failure to clean up toys is just a consequence of a much more serious incident. By protesting and refusing to comply with parental requests, the child points to other existing troubles. Whether they are real or invented - the specialist will have to figure it out.