Men are known to appreciate our sense of humor. But sometimes, in response to a seemingly sparkling joke, they purse their lips and portray a languid “ha-ha” instead of chuckling in a fit of laughter. What is so wrong we joked about?
His hobbies
It is rather risky to joke with a man about the size and edibility of the catch obtained on a two-day fishing trip. And when watching football together, before making wit about the “blue ones”, it would first be good to make sure that he is rooting for the “red ones”.
Just the other day, I managed to play a prank on my husband, drawing his main fetish - a computer - into a prank. Deep in the night, my beloved came off the monitor and galloped off to make himself a sandwich. Bloodied little men with machine guns in their hands froze on the screen. Knowing with what fanaticism my husband is hacking into "shooters", I nevertheless dared to make a rather harmless, as it seemed to me, joke. I turned off the monitor, and as soon as my hero appeared at the door, I, making an innocent face and smiling shyly, said: “Oh, I pressed something on you, and everything went out ...” Having dropped the sandwich from my hands, with one powerful kangaroo jump my husband immediately crossed the room, shoved me off the chair and, shaking over the keyboard, as if over a terminally ill patient, feverishly began to repeat: “What did you press? Remember, WHAT-ARE YOU-ON-JAP-LA? Violent fantasy immediately drew the needles that he drives under my nails, trying to knock out the necessary information, and I, trembling voice saying “W-w-this,” turned on the monitor.
As soon as my husband saw that the “shooter” was faithfully waiting for him, he first sighed with relief and delight, and then stared expressively at me. At that moment, I felt like a victim of that same “shooter”, mercilessly attacked by weapons such as “eyes-lasers”. This was followed by an intricate play on words, from which I drew the only conclusion: it is better not to joke with computers, especially when an unfinished battle hangs on pause. But after this incident, the husband shot all the enemies in just five minutes. Apparently, the adrenaline after my "successful" joke had an effect.
Late night conversation copied from a friend's notebook
His car
No matter how jealous you are of your loved one for his car (that is, sorry, for his Swallow), jokes in the style of “Darling, let’s sell this mountain of iron, and with the proceeds we’ll buy me new shoes - well, at least one” will not work. With such humor, the more likely option is that you will be sold for scrap, and with the money he has earned, he will buy another pair of winter “shoes” for his Swallow.
His appearance
No matter how hard a man tries to show that he is a true macho who absolutely does not care about fashion trends and how he looks, in fact, he is often no less concerned about his appearance than we are. Therefore, jokes about a future bald head, a rich palette of smells that he is able to exude, or legs, like an experienced jockey, are unlikely to be successful.
And when your beloved, after a grueling ten-minute exercise, proudly pokes his belly in your nose with the comment “Look, what a press”, he hopes to hear: “Wow, what a beefy one!” How sometimes you want to add: “You can feel it through your beer belly!” But be patient!
Its features
Even the most harmless joke on this topic is likely to be perceived as a mockery or an attempt to ridicule his flaws. But, as they say, if you can’t, but really want to, then you can. The main thing is that he does not notice.
For example, if a man talks in a dream, thereby preventing you from plunging into the arms of Morpheus, it is not forbidden to act according to the principle “I won’t get enough sleep, so at least I’ll have fun.” You can, for example, have intelligent conversations with your partner, who is muttering something in delirium.
Or if he snores godlessly, and all attempts to accidentally poke him in the side with an elbow do not bring the desired result, then, acting according to the above principle, you can put a red card in his hand and stick a whistle in his mouth. True, in this case it will be quite problematic to prove to a man who jumped up in horror in the night from a wild whistle that you have nothing to do with it.
His oddities
My friend Zhenya, when he is scolded, puffs out his cheeks and bulges his eyes terribly. So he was taught to protect himself from external stimuli in childhood. Alina, his girlfriend, was amused at first, and any conflict ended in her bursting laughter as soon as her beloved “swelled up”. But sooner or later it was bound to annoy her. Unable to restrain herself during the next “attack”, Alina in a rather sharp form suggested that Zhenya was brought up not in a human family, but in a school of hedgehog fish, after which the beloved was immediately blown away with a whistle ... and did not talk to her for two days. Just like a hedgehog fish.
His health
I agree, it’s hard to resist at least a drop of irony in relation to your loved one, when he lies in a bed with a terrifying temperature of 37.1, moans helplessly and, holding out a trembling hand to you, barely audibly asks for a glass of water. But here we must understand that any joke can only aggravate the condition of a seriously ill patient. Therefore, so that the patient does not hastily fall into a coma, one must make an effort on oneself and, instead of gloating, hug him, take pity on him and run for a kilogram or two of oranges. Sausage.
His attitude towards himself
It's funny sometimes to watch how concentrated the strong half of humanity rubs the third layer of moisturizer into their manly hands to make them soft and velvety. Do not break this idyll with a sharp word. Any barb directed at your man, who was accidentally caught in the form of a green humanoid with cucumbers in his eyes, is unlikely to be appreciated by him. You understand that far from your sharp, non-cucumber eyes, he will still continue to soak his legs in a tonic bath with rosemary extract, but he will not resist a joke when he finds you the next morning with a strawberry mask on your face.
His signs of attention
In the heat of inspiration, men, as a rule, think little about the meaning of their brilliant metaphors, epithets and comparisons. This must always be remembered so as not to offend the tender feelings of our romantics with an innocent joke.
It is worth gratefully accepting from your man any gift he has thought up, in no case should you laugh at poems, no matter how ridiculous they may be, or songs, no matter how heart-rending they are performed. The same goes for compliments.
Once my friend Anya, having bought another pair of shoes, showed a new thing to her young man. To the question "How are you?" he, choking with delight, complimented her: “You are so graceful in these shoes, like ... like ... (apparently, he was sorting through all the more or less graceful living creatures of the planet in his head) like ... a horse!” Anya almost fell from the height of 12-centimeter hairpins, but gently answered: “Thank you, dear, I am so pleased.” Darling lounging imposingly in an armchair, and Anya, without losing a drop of her "horse grace", continued the defile, giggling softly and saying to herself under her breath: "Tsok-tsok-tsok ... and-and-yoke-go!"
His greed
Lovely girls! Please remember: if a man spares money for new beads, he is by no means greedy. He is (in his own understanding, of course) economical! Therefore, jokingly comparing it with the stingy mole from the fairy tale "Thumbelina", you can easily lose your half-grain a day.
His culinary skills
Well, yes, some men know how to cook. And some people think they can. It’s not so easy to keep from adding “sharpness” to the exhausted steak with a crust fried to the state of armor with a joke. The apogee of the celebration of life will be a kitchen apocalypse in the form of a mountain of dirty dishes, fireworks of splashes on the walls and a floor heavily strewn with flour. However, if you endure this too, you are likely to have a long and happy family life.
Marriage and children (they are not his at all!)
It has been proven that the discussion of these topics is a great substitute for a magic wand and miraculously makes a man evaporate from the place of conversation. Just recently, I became an unwitting witness to how the combination of the words “wedding” and “children” in one sentence forced a man (under the amusing pretext “Oh, I should clarify something with Kant here”) to retire from the kitchen, spilling tea and dropping biscuits clenched in a fist along the way. Surely Kant understood him.
His economic ability
If you make a joke at least once about how exactly he nailed a light bulb or screwed in a shelf, you risk the rest of your life for any homework to call on the ad "husband for an hour." It is better to use the creativity reserved for a witty joke to praise your “husband for life” for such hard work. So what if the nails are clogged with a hat inside, and now the carefully greased hinges really don’t creak, because the door simply stopped opening. He did try!
His salary
Any self-respecting man, no matter how much he earns, certainly believes that he is the main earner in the family. Therefore, to joke about his not particularly impressive salary is like hinting to a lion that the antelope he has caught is somewhat anorexic. In response, you will receive an evil growl and you will be left without a piece of booty that was supposed to be exchanged for you at the boutique for that amazing bag with rhinestones.
His friends
One friend once complained to me about his girlfriend, who constantly gives underground nicknames to his friends. "She called my best friend Sharpay." He asked a thousand times not to call him that, but she still kept slipping: “Are you going to billiards with Sharpay?”, “And when will Sharpay introduce us to his girlfriend?”. I had already resigned myself and decided to simply ignore this dubious humor, until I myself, talking and looking my friend straight in the eyes, called him Sharpay. After this incident, he had a rather tough explanatory conversation with his girlfriend. And Sharpei, by the way, was not offended in the slightest, and he is now officially Sharpei with us. ”
In principle, the list of dangerous topics for jokes could be continued almost endlessly, but it is better to use simple advice for all time: it is better to measure seven times than to “soak” once.
Worth is accused of abusing her lover, 22-year-old Alex Skil, who suffers from hydrocephalus, for several years.
In an interview with the British media, Skil said that his girlfriend for almost four years caused him not only moral, but also physical harm, as a result of which he was on the verge of death.
According to the young man, Jordan inflicted wounds on him with a knife, poured boiling water on him, forbade him to sleep in the same bed with her and decided what clothes he needed to wear.
In addition, the girl forbade her lover to contact relatives and friends, broke his mobile phones and even controlled his Facebook page.
"Happy couple"
Alex Skil says he met Jordan when he was 16 years old, both of them at that time studied at Bedford College. She became his first girlfriend, before that he had not had a serious relationship.
According to the Sun newspaper, Jordan Worth grew up in a prosperous, loving family, did well in school and at the University of Hertfordshire and wanted to become a teacher. The girl also volunteered at animal shelters and raised money to help children in Africa.
British media publish photographs in which Alex and Jordan look like a happy couple: they are relaxing together, kissing and smiling at the camera.
However, judging by Skil's stories, the idyll was just a facade, behind which were hidden truly terrible things worthy of a Hollywood horror movie.
"Go and die!"
"Physical abuse began nine months ago, and four years before that, moral humiliation continued," Alex admits in an interview with the Daily Mail.
The young man says that his relatives knew that Jordan was exerting moral pressure on him, but they did not suspect physical violence on her part.
"She tried to keep me away from them for two years. I have a very loving family, loving parents, but she would not let me talk to them. She beat me and spat me with boiling water, injured my hands, claiming that I spoke with my family, although I didn't do it," says Alex.
The situation was aggravated by the fact that Skyl suffered from hydrocephalus (hydrocephalus), which made him an even more vulnerable victim of violence.
Physical abuse by the girl began with simple pushing and poking, but gradually took on rampant proportions, the victim admits.
“I remember one time she hit me on the head with a laptop plug, I started bleeding, I said: “Please help me.” I bowed my head, the blood continued to flow. She went up the stairs, I again asked: “Please help me," and she said, "Go and die!" says Alex.
The young man thought that it could not be worse, but after that the girl came up with a new kind of torment: she began to pour boiling water over him when he was sleeping.
“I was woken up by the pain of boiling water on my skin. Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night when this happened,” says ex-boyfriend Jordan.
A hair's breadth from death
Alex lost a lot of weight, his body was covered with bruises and wounds, but he did not dare to tell someone about what was happening at his house. Jordan, in turn, forbade him to visit doctors.
The violence only stopped when neighbors Alexa and Jordan called the police last June after loud screams coming from their home.
The doctors who arrived at the scene diagnosed the young man with injuries on his hand and burns of the second and third degrees.
After that Skil moved in with his parents in Bedford. According to him, by that time he had lost almost 18 kg and weighed about 44 kg. He feared that his wounds might become inflamed, and this could lead to amputation.
“They told me that if I had stayed there longer, I would have died. The doctors and the police agreed: I had 10 more days to live,” says Alex.
During the process, which is taking place in Luton Crown Court, the judge said that Worth admitted to using physical violence against her ex-boyfriend, including using a knife and boiling water.
According to the court decision, the girl is forbidden to contact Alex Skil for an indefinite period.
Three signs on the face that indicate a man's propensity for violence.
This information will help you navigate a potentially dangerous situation, avoid domestic or sexual violence, and possibly save your life.
Why is this post coming out right now?
The reason for this article was a terrible story beyond common sense. The husband took his wife, the mother of two sons, into the forest and tied her up. Then he methodically mutilated his hands and chopped off his fingers. In the end, he chopped off both hands, brought him to the hospital himself and surrendered to the police.
The stated reason for the torture is adultery. He had no doubts. Just a desire to be recognized.
Could the tragedy have been avoided?
How to understand that your boyfriend or husband is capable, even hypothetically, of such atrocities. Is it possible to recognize a jealous and a sadist by appearance?
For all the seeming inhumanity of what was done, let's try to figure out what set of qualities became that terrible cocktail that ignited animal cruelty and manic all-consuming self-righteousness.
How did we know about the signs of hidden aggression on the face?
In the 1990s, I served as an investigative department for the disclosure of murders of the criminal investigation department. Every day, a stream of suspects, defendants and defendants in cases of mutilation, rape and death passed through my office.
Gradually, I began to notice that many rapists and murderers share certain facial features.
Subsequently, using the knowledge of anthropology, modern neuroscience and, of course, psychology, I was able to derive some patterns that link physiognomic signs and behavioral characteristics of people prone to violence.
Now I am a psychologist. For more than 20 years I have been studying various psychodiagnostic methods and adapting them to the needs of security and business.
So ... Your attention is the three most common physiognomic signs that indicate hidden aggression and a tendency to violence.
As you can guess, the more signs you see in one person, the higher the likelihood of uncontrolled violent acts.
I do not claim to be the ultimate truth. I'm just sharing my experience and the results of my research with you.
Where does conscience live in the brain?
The center associated with the feeling of conscience is located in the prefrontal part of the brain. In the same place, in the frontal and parietal zones of the cortex, there are zones responsible for self-awareness and other mechanisms of social restraint.
In a person with a sloping, sloping, low forehead, these zones are depressed. They are smaller and, as it were, crushed by the front of the skull.
Unlike highbrow individuals, these people are much less affected by social taboos and rules. It is easier for them to ignore the laws established in society, and morality for them, often, does not exist at all.
How to understand that emotions are stronger than reason?
Body and facial hair is one of the last visual cues that links us to our evolutionary ancestors. Natural hairiness occurs with increased production in some people of male sex hormones, primarily testosterone.
As we understand it, if the primary animal instinct begins to dominate, the mind is losing ground.
On the face, increased emotionality can be seen in three manifestations: pronounced eyebrows, thick stubble and a beard in the absence of a mustache.
Such people, as a rule, do not know how to deny their desires, and in combination with a sloping forehead, they do not control emotional outbursts well.
But this, as a rule, is not enough for the birth of a real sadistic aggressor. In addition to emotions and reduced social responsibility, self-righteousness is required. Such animal peremptoryness.
What separates the hunter from the prey?
Of course, the presence of weapons. In most mammalian predators, this is the jaw. The stronger this attacking mechanism is developed in an individual, the more confident he will feel when meeting with another individual.
People with a high jaw move from words to action much more easily. They are not afraid of possible obstacles. After all, the inner instinct suggests that the force is on their side.
Add to this confidence a trigger in the form of uncontrolled emotions and a complete disregard for any kind of "social conventions". Get a ready-made rapist, "kitchen fighter" or, in our case, a crazy jealous.
Of course, upon closer examination, in each of the specific cases of domestic or sexual violence, grievous bodily harm or murder, we will find other, primarily social, factors that influenced the development of the situation.
In this article, we set ourselves the task of showing specific visual markers that you should pay attention to when contacting strangers and, especially, when choosing a sexual partner.
Take care of yourself.
Make a repost.
Who knows... You might save someone's life.
Hello friends! The love story of girl Jordan Ward and boyfriend Alex Skil started in 2012, when the guys were 16 years old.
They met at the Drama College in Bedford, and Alex immediately fell in love into this fragile English girl who did charity work in her spare time - she helped raise money for African children.
After they met, the lovers almost immediately began to live together, post happy photos on Facebook and go shopping together. They were so infatuated with each other that they didn't even have time to hang out with their friends.
This fairy tale lasted 6 years. But on the fateful day, the neighbors heard screams from the love nest. Medics arrived at the scene of the crime and found a bloodied body.
But more on that later.
And now we will reveal the dark side of this love story to you.
After the lovers began to live together, the girl turned into a real devil.
Happy Facebook photos? - She posted them herself from the guy's page. Shared shopping? She did not allow him to buy things on his own and chose his clothes herself. No time for friends? She forbade him to communicate with friends and only occasionally allowed him to call his parents.
The girl controlled every step of the guy, but it was far from the worst. She made his life a living hell. At first it was just slaps, kicks, then torture with blunt objects, dousing with boiling water when Alex was sleeping, and sometimes even knives were used. The last 9 months of their relationship were at the peak of cruelty. At the same time, the girl forbade him to go to the hospital. Despite the fact that the guy had a serious disease of hydrocephalus - the accumulation of fluid in the skull.
On that fateful day, the neighbors saved the guy's life. They heard screams and called the police. Doctors diagnosed stab wounds and deep burns all over his body. Doctors at the hospital carefully asked the guy if it was safe for him to return home. After that, the guy moved to live with his parents.
In an interview, Alex said that he thought his limbs would have to be amputated. And so it would have happened if he had not been given timely assistance. Doctors and police agreed that if he had not been taken to the hospital then, the guy would have lived no more than 10 days.
The girl was arrested, and she had to confess her atrocities. Now she is 22 years old and has 7.5 years in prison ahead of her., also she has no right to even approach Alex.
Are you also wondering why the guy put up with it? According to Alex, he was blinded by love and believed that this was how the girl showed closeness and care in her own way.
Write in the comments if you have met such star couples or maybe they are among your friends?
Women can be gentle, fluffy and caring towards those they love. And they can be cruel. And when it comes to fragile love relationships, women can do the most unpleasant things for men. Let's find out how not to do it.
10. Don't pick up the phone when he calls. He convinced you to give your number and you feel that he is not indifferent to you. Your charm and beauty clearly made an impression on him. But only he did not impress you, and now you do not pick up the phone. Or worse, you didn't give him your number. Such situations have a bad effect on the self-esteem of men, because it is quite clear that you do not intend to meet with them anymore.
9. Use men as a wallet. Some women are able to flirt with a man and even start a relationship with him for a delicious dinner at an expensive restaurant, a beautiful blouse or a trip to the islands. Needless to say, this is cruel and dishonest.8. Date him out of boredom. Many of us don't like being alone. And for some, this dislike comes to the point that they are ready to meet the first person they meet, just to fill the void in their personal lives. Perhaps you will fill this void, but the game with the feelings of other people did not bring happiness to anyone.
7. Emotionally manipulate a man. Men hate women's tears, and we know it very well. Women's tears as an expression of emotions seem logical, since women are more emotional than men. Surely each of us used tears at least once in our lives as a tool to achieve our goal. But we cannot boast of this.
6. Use of physical force. Some women quite admit the idea that they can hit a man if they don’t like something. Of course, if they are sure that this man will not hit her back. A real man will not allow himself to do this. So doesn't that seem unfair to you, especially considering how zealously we fight for equality with men?
5. Publicly criticize men. This is an extremely cruel way of treating a man, a way that contributes to the humiliation of his manhood. Do not stoop to publicly condemning your loved one, not to mention criticism. 4. Do not disclose your marital status. For some, it may seem innocent fun to flirt with a man, despite the fact that she herself has a husband or boyfriend. It's so fun at the end of a pleasant conversation to tell him about the presence of his soulmate and look at the expression on the face of the interlocutor. It's not fair
3. Manipulate through sex. This rather cruel method has been tested for centuries and is used by many women. For most men, regular sex is as natural as breathing. And women use denial of sex as a way to achieve a goal, and even as a punishment. It is worth noting that this method can be effective. But do not be surprised if a man begins to manipulate your desires.
2. Check for loyalty. You specifically check your man, write to him in ICQ from someone else's number, allegedly trying to get to know each other, write SMS and create situations on the street, inciting your girlfriends to the operation “Checking for allegiance”. If so, what kind of trusting relationship can we talk about? You are, in fact, playing with fire, pushing your loved one to change. What if he falls in love with your girlfriend at first sight, who will you blame?
1. Flirt with others, causing jealousy in your boyfriend. Half of the men will not say a word that they were unpleasant, perhaps they will do everything not to show jealousy. But this is really cruel to him, since flirting with another man causes suffering of varying degrees of severity in 90% of men.