Hello, my wife left me and I started to feel depressed, because we lived in a good, strong family, I’ve been living for two months now, and although I’m not living, I exist, and I have constant thoughts of death. I’m 36 years old, and it seems everything has collapsed, my friends are all somewhere disappeared immediately and it turned out that no one needed me. Only my daughter says how much she loves me, and this only inspires positivity for a minute, but you’re always alone and talking in silence, I can’t do this anymore, if not death then a mental hospital is guaranteed , and in this case, death is better.
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It seems to me that in the era of our righteous grandparents and grandparents, people seemed to stay together no matter what. In the fast-paced, perfectionistic world today, people seem to quit quickly no matter what. Should they stay or should they go?
And, of course, we're talking about grass that needs maintenance on the other side of the fence. If your partner is considering leaving you, here are some tips to help you navigate this painful chapter. Know that these are not all your mistakes. Despite what your partner may say, the fact that they are thinking of leaving you is not your fault!
kinglion183, age: 36 / 04/06/2016
Responses:Hello! Breaking up is always difficult and painful, but you have to hold on! Moreover, you have a daughter, your ray of light! Please don't think negative thoughts! Now, when the wound is so fresh, it seems that there is a dead end and there is no way out, but this is not so! Slowly come to your senses, work, take care of the child, you can go on vacation together, go skating, ride a bike, and you will please the baby and unwind yourself! You are young, there are many chances to fall in love again and start a family. All the best to you!
Like reeling in a line, we all need to learn to reel our creative and active minds back to the present moment. The stories and scenarios we create seem so real, they actually make us feel feelings about things that didn't even happen. Catch yourself when you can and bring yourself back to reality - actual reality.
Don't make any big decisions: Don, don't even buy a new washer and dryer right now! The only thing you need to do is your basic self-care and necessary responsibilities. Continually ask yourself, “What do I need to do to take care of myself and my children?” When there is enough time, the tears and hysterics have passed, you will understand what to do. Making a decision from where you and your partner are right now is likely to be reactive rather than rational.
Irina, age: 28 / 04/06/2016
Don't you dare even think about death. You have a daughter who truly loves you, no woman will love you as devotedly as a daughter, don’t cripple her psyche with your departure, read articles about what happens to children’s souls from devoted fathers. Get at least three jobs, just so you don’t have time for stupid thoughts. Communicate with your daughter even via SMS, just don’t lose touch with the only being who truly loves you. Earn money for her, she still has to study and become an adult. Now think not about yourself, but about her. You can be of great use to your daughter in this difficult life.
There is nowhere to go that will be magically simple or bring permanent happiness. If you are both completely unaware that the relationship is over, or there is abuse, this relationship may be worth the wait. The solution will unfold and become clear over time.
Don't contact your partner. Therapist: Your partner may be confused and in a lot of pain right now, but you are not the best person for them to deal with this. You both need safe, objective, loving, and frank people to support each of your very different needs. It's not good for you to constantly listen to every detail of your partner's ambivalence about the relationship, and it's not good for them to hear the daily details of your emotional pain.
TV, age: 45 / 04/06/2016
Hello!
What's stopping you from finding a new woman?
If the wife did this, then the door behind her should be closed forever. My wife also left me, hold on, we’ll break through!
Mikhail, age: 34 / 04/06/2016
Dear! I sympathize with you very much. It is certainly difficult to experience the collapse of a family or the passing of a loved one. A state of abandonment and uselessness haunts you. This is extreme stress. It’s not surprising that you want to forget yourself and not live. This condition affects many people in a similar situation. These are really very, very bitter feelings. But know one thing: time heals. These feelings will gradually subside, and you will be able to devote more time to various things. New acquaintances. Now you just need to live, live with what you have. Alone means alone. With a natural experience of loss. Your wife most likely had a reason why she left, it was her choice, try to forgive her. Your daughter loves you and needs your love, support her, and she will support you with her love. Believe that life will change. And this period will be a new stage in life. Perhaps the beginning of something we couldn’t even dream of. Little by little you will climb out, get used to it, and build your life differently. But by all means build. I wish you a productive and long life. And the most precious thing about her is love, experience and knowledge, the ability to survive difficulties, which you will later pass on to your daughter.
If you feel like you're feeling productive and it's important that you hear your partner's complaints and you can still maintain your self-esteem, then do it. However, if you feel like you're turning into a therapist or a bag puncher, it's best to set some limits.
And while they provide short-term relief, they will undoubtedly lead to long-term grief. Do you numb your senses with drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, shopping, gambling, food, dieting, purging, or obsessing over your appearance? Are you preoccupied with other relationships? Even depression can become a way of numbing yourself and avoiding painful emotions.
Julia, age: 31 / 04/06/2016
Hello. I really want to support you. I understand you perfectly, because my husband left me last August after 16 years of marriage. Left me with two small children. I loved it very much. I tried to do everything for him, but the more I did, the less it was appreciated. Two months is too short a time for things to get easier. A huge piece was torn out of you, from your life without anesthesia, and it takes time for the wound to heal. The larger the wound, the longer it takes. Don't think about the future, otherwise you will really go crazy. For three months I generally had a panic about how I would be alone, how I would honor the children.... but I tried to live for today. You need to move in small steps. There is a day, there are things that need to be done and that’s it. Just Believe me, it will become easier, for sure. It's been 8 months for me. I won’t say that everything has eased up, but it has definitely become calmer. Yes, from time to time both resentment and pain roll in, but now this is much less common. And life returned to normal, no one died or went crazy. Understand, it’s normal that you’re in pain now, there’s no other way, but the pain will gradually subside, and then it will go away completely, for sure. I am mentally close to you and hug you, hold on.....
The truth is that it is difficult to feel emotional pain, and it is difficult to feel the consequences of addictive behaviors to avoid emotional pain. However, only one of you will lead you to the other, and the other is a dead end path to pain relief. Once you find the right support and create tolerance for feeling difficult emotions, you will find that all feelings eventually pass. You can learn to receive comfort externally from others and internally from yourself.
Don't lose yourself: When a person is threatened with staying, his core sense of worth is extremely dangerous. The natural tendency is to wait, like an innocent puppy, to see if its owner will return. can be a level playing field between partners, can turn into a one-sided power game with all the power in the hands of the person considering leaving. Who would want to be potentially rejected by someone you love?
Tatyana, age: 37 / 04/06/2016
Good afternoon
I'm in my second marriage. And very happy. So, as they say, “If your wife leaves you, then you don’t know who’s lucky.” You have a daughter, you are still at a wonderful age for a man, your whole life is still ahead of you.
So, under no circumstances should you despair!
This means that somewhere near you is the only one you are still destined to meet.
Everything will be fine!
Sample action plan
But love, despite countless poems and country-western songs, is not enough. It requires shared values, commitment, maturity, spirituality, communication and education for a long-term relationship to live a long and healthy life. While it is important to remain open to working through relationship issues if your partner is willing to discuss them respectfully, it is also important that you stop giving all your attention to your partners' needs, needs, and feelings and begin to reclaim your own sense of power. You have been in okay before you met your partner, and if the relationship ends, you may be okay.
Mikhail, age: 45 / 04/07/2016
Hello. I have the same situation. Survived with a simple recipe. Dissolved in the child and work, and after 2 years he met a woman whom he fell in love with. Time heals, don't be afraid to look forward. Close your eyes and imagine how you will live in, say, a year. How would you like to live? Go for it. All bad things will go away. Oh yes. Several sessions with a psychologist helped me, although my woman dragged me there after a year of struggle)
Your partner may be unsure about the relationship, but what are you unsure about? What do you not want to live with? What would you need to be different if you two were together? Spend time doing things that bring you joy: In addition to practicing immediate self-care during a life crisis, it is important that you also begin, when you are ready, to use this time as an opportunity to find things that satisfy you. This will not only help you in present, but also creates hope for the future. And as a bonus, people who feel joy and do things that they feel passionate about are much more attractive to their partners than people who are chronically depressed and overly dependent.
Ruslan, age: 27 / 04/10/2016
Hello. I understand you! I am also almost 36 years old, and my wife, with whom I lived for 13 years, also recently left me. And exactly 13 years ago - we moved in together on the same day 13 years ago. I also have a daughter who loves me. I (and my wife) also now feel as if a large piece has been taken out of my body. The feeling of such a posthumous existence is creepy and lonely. The most frightening thing about breaking up was telling my daughter that my mother and I would live separately, although everything went fine. We said that husband and wife can separate, maybe for a while, maybe forever, but parents never separate - we both will always be her parents. And my wife and I remained the closest of friends. Don’t lose heart, focus on your daughter, on building a new relationship with your wife, and on yourself, of course. Personally, I’m going to remember what it’s like to run after skirts;) And about the relationship with your ex-wife - remember that it’s not easy for her now either. You are abandoned and lonely, and she left and feels terrible guilt. Well, that means for one reason or another she could no longer be happy with you, and everyone has the right to happiness, both she and you and your daughter, remember this
This may mean reclaiming the things you used to get passionate about and avoid. This may mean cultivating some new interests. What did you love that you gave up on when you met your partner? What have you always dreamed of doing but never had the time or courage?
When we give up important parts of ourselves for a relationship and the relationship is compromised, our stability is also compromised. When we are fulfilled and living a fulfilling life that we love, we may still grieve and face the unknown, but we will not abandon ourselves in the process. You may feel abandoned by your partner right now, but you don't have to give up on yourself.
Nikolay, age: 35 / 09/13/2016
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How to get rid of fear
Overcoming fears through social positivity
Fear and anxiety increase in a person if he generally feels wrong, bad, unpromising. If he unconsciously expects that he can be condemned, caught in wrongdoing, in failure. And our psyche is structured in such a way that it is not afraid of any accusation, but only of the one for which, as it seems to it, there are grounds. If you ask a mathematics professor: “Did you even study the multiplication tables?”, he will smile and say: “You know, I was probably sick that quarter.” If you say this to a poor student, he will turn red.
Andrea Wachter is a licensed marriage and family therapist and co-author of The Don't Diet, A Living Book. She has a private practice in Northern California and also offers low-cost teleconferencing to anyone around the world suffering from stress, anxiety, depression or addictions. Andrea is an inspiring counselor, author, and teacher who brings professional experience as well as personal restoration to those she works with. For more information about her book or her Stress Less newsgroup, please visit.
Yes, sometimes men are puzzled by such questions too. Today, in the age of women's emancipation, betrayal by the weaker sex has begun to occur more and more often. And we can say with confidence that no one is safe from them. What to do? Should I forgive my spouse? How to survive your wife's betrayal? What to do if your wife leaves for someone else? We will definitely talk about this and much more in this article.
Women who don't feel loved end up falling out of love and leaving their husbands. Learning how to make her feel loved now can prevent a world of pain later. Is the way to show your wife that you love her the weak link in your marriage? You must strengthen it so that your wife does not leave you.
In most cases, although they loved their wives throughout their marriage, they were not very good at showing it or expressing it. They thought that their wives would somehow understand how much they loved them, how hard they worked, or how much they helped around the house. While these behaviors are helpful, they do not create the emotional connection that a woman should love. If you're honest with yourself, you probably need more than just your wife working or raising kids to feel like she truly loves you.
How to survive your wife's betrayal and make decisions about the future of your family
First, let's figure out when it is necessary to save a family, and in what cases this should not be done. For example, my wife cheated only once. Your wife admitted everything and now wants everything between you to be the same as before. Naturally, it won't be the same as before.
You don't have to be weak to be loving.
You can be an agent of change not only to help your wife feel more loved by you, but also to inspire her to want to make you feel loved. Your wife is attracted to you, in part, because you are a man. Learning to express your love is not learning to speak like a woman. But it does mean that what you do and say is a testament to your wife. If there are problems or disagreements, you still need to deal with them, but with love. You can control without controlling and not express love as long as you feel human.
At least in the coming days. However, it is worth considering the possibility of saving your family, if only because your spouse no longer plans any trips to the “left”, and is ready to switch her attention to home and family. Of course, it is not easy for you to cope with your wife's betrayal, but remember that we all make mistakes and sometimes need forgiveness.
It’s another matter if the wife systematically cheats, and you know that she is going to leave the family in order to connect her life with her lover. In this case, there is no need to hold it.
If you don't know how to be strong and loving at the same time, use the resource, for example, to improve the way you express yourself. Wimpy and loving is a turn off. Strong but not loving is a turn off. But the combination of being strong and loving is very seductive for women.
It's not just what you say, it's how you say it. The most intimate conversation is a whisper, and the least intimate is a shout. The more you can make your words whisper, the more they will penetrate her heart. When you say something casually, they are likely to be ignored, and when you say something harshly, they raise their defenses - no matter how correct or good what you say is. Try whispering loving words to your wife every now and then.
If your wife's infidelity is systematic or she is serious about changing her husband, it is best for you to separate and not make any attempts to revive the relationship. Try to get over your wife's betrayal, concentrate on finding your soul mate and pay attention to new relationships.
But what if your situation falls into the first category? All in your hands. We hope the following tips will definitely help you develop the desired behavior pattern.
“I love you” are wonderful words and are best used in relationships where love is securely felt. It's like adding another log to a fire that's already burning well. But saying “I love you” is not the best way to create fire. If a woman no longer feels loved, these three little words sound stupid and simply remind her that she no longer feels. In this situation, your “I love you” may make her feel sad, cry, or even receive a hostile response.
To keep your wife from leaving, feed the flame of love
There are other things you can say that will help restore loving feelings in a marriage that is still intact. If your marriage is already broken, you'll need something else. Combined with loving behavior, your wife will feel important, valuable and needed, which is the essence of loving women. Here are some ways you can feed the flame.
How to survive your wife's betrayal and save your family
So, let's assume that you and your wife have come to the decision to keep the family together, despite her betrayal. What to do but not slide into reproaches and constant showdowns? How to get over your wife's betrayal and start trusting her again?
Talk to your spouse. If relationships in your family are built on trust and frankness, this will not be difficult to do. Discuss the current situation. Consider whether you should stay together. It would also be a good idea to figure out why they cheated on you in the first place - perhaps your wife is not happy with something in her relationship with you.
If you have children together, be sure to draw your wife’s attention to the fact that it is best for a child to grow up in a complete family. For this reason, it is worth trying to normalize relations.
Try to survive your wife's betrayal as a self-sufficient and adult person. Forgive her and start your relationship again. You can reinforce your agreement to start over with some kind of ritual: exchange something, say vows, go to the place you met, have a romantic dinner or vacation, etc. This moment will divide your life into before and after, this will allow both of you to break away from the old situation and live in a new one.
Under no circumstances should you try on the role of a victim, an “offended” person who constantly reminds you of the insult you once inflicted. This will make it easier for your couple to maintain their relationship, taking it to a new level, and for you to survive your wife’s betrayal.
The wife leaves for someone else. How to survive?
How to cope with your wife's departure and open your heart to a new relationship? For some reason, many people believe that men are insensitive creatures who, after a breakup, quickly forget their partners and quickly find replacements for them. In fact, everything is completely wrong - for any man, parting with a soul mate is a painful process. Do you want to cope with depression and believe in love again? Then stay with us!
The first thing you need to do if your wife leaves for someone else is to understand that not all women are the same. Yes, the breakup hurt your pride, especially if the breakup was initiated by your partner (and if she also cheated on you, then the resentment will probably be several times stronger). But, believe me, there are many women whom you want to love, who attract attention and conquer with their inner world. Among them there will definitely be your soulmate. The main thing is to believe in it and not close yourself off from others.
No matter how much it hurts, forgive the woman. If possible, talk to her and tell her that you don't hold a grudge. After all, if your wife leaves for someone else, there is a part of your fault in this. Besides, forgiveness will benefit you. As negativity accumulates in our souls, we become more and more depressed and embittered. In this case, you can’t talk about a happy life or the opportunity to meet your love. So, the most important thing is to forgive the person and wish him happiness. You'll see, it will become much easier!
It's good to switch gears and do something interesting. Take a vacation and go on a trip, start renovating your home, sign up for Chinese language courses, buy a membership to a fitness club. While your wife is leaving for someone else, it’s time not to “saw the sawdust” of your relationship with her, but to start a new life.
By the way, you can get excellent results by volunteering. You will have to communicate and work with a variety of people, and this will mean new experience, new acquaintances and... the realization that there are no hopeless situations in life. By the way, it is quite possible that you will meet your soulmate among the volunteers - anything can happen...
Don’t accumulate negativity in yourself - be sure to talk to someone. If you cannot confide in your parents or friends, consult a psychologist. Feel free to do this - there's nothing wrong with it. It’s much worse if you withdraw into yourself - life will become more difficult. By the way, you can always chat about how to survive your wife’s departure on the Internet on various forums. People who have already passed this stage will write to you, and you will see that parting is not a reason to stop enjoying life!
You should not force your wife to continue the relationship in the format of friendship: it is impossible to be friends with your exes, no matter what they tell us. It hurts, and you don't want to go back to pain. Start a new life by taking as your motto a slightly modified version of the famous line from the song: “if a wife leaves for someone else, then no one knows who is lucky!”
Your wife has left for someone else... will she be happy? This question has been haunting you for many days. We will solve your problem and answer with numbers: according to statistics, more than half of the wives who decided at some point to leave their husbands later return. This is due to two main factors:
- disappointment
- epiphany.
Now we will explain the essence of the matter in more detail.
When does a wife become frustrated?
The scheme is very simple: living with you, as with your beloved spouse, she gets used to comfort, to the fact that she is taken care of and to the fact that every day she has a certain amount of money in her account, and her children are shod, clothed and fed.
On the other hand, over time, the spouse may want new thrills and emotions. And you, as a husband who brings money, are so immersed in work and solving problems that you may not notice it.
Thus, the desire for something new, happy, unusual, grows more and more in a woman every day, and she begins to look around. Leaving for a new lover, the lady leaves for a new life. She is waiting for new impressions, happiness, and the fact that her everyday life will be filled with positive emotions and new events. And most importantly, she expects that the new man will make her life even better, even more beautiful than with you, even more comfortable.
Psychologists have dubbed all this with a very simple and understandable word: “emotions.” And emotions, as we know, are fickle things.
Today they are there, tomorrow they are not, today they are positive, and tomorrow they turn into disappointment and boredom.
After a while, when the “emotional influx” gradually gives way to sober reason, the wife begins to critically evaluate her new partner and understands that with her new chosen one she will have the same life as her husband. Or maybe even worse, since it is not a fact that a new person will be able to create the same greenhouse, comfortable conditions for her as her ex-husband. Moreover, it turns out that the new man has his own cockroaches in his head, his own claims and demands, which also need to be somehow put up with and coexist.
Thus, gradually, the wife becomes disappointed. She understands that her life will not be filled with happiness next to a new man, and that she was in a hurry very quickly when she made a decision, as it seemed to her then, once and for all.
When does a wife have an epiphany?
On average, the period takes from 6 to 12 months. Epiphany comes when a woman begins to compare her lover with her husband. And the new man does not always win in this comparison. If she lived with you as if behind a stone wall, if she got used to the fact that you are her reliable support and are always with her, then she expects exactly the same care and confidence from her current man. The lady is convinced that he will also provide her with reliable support and confidence.
But men are different. One is strong and able to take care of his woman, while the other expects from her care, support, and also income. That's when the epiphany comes. In such a situation, the wife quickly realizes that she was in a hurry by leaving her husband, and begins to knock on the door that she had recently slammed behind her.
Therefore, answering your question, let’s say this: the chances are very high that after a while she herself will want to return to you. Moreover, you will probably return her as soon as you make a decision: to fight for your love. If you believe in yourself and set this goal for yourself, it will definitely be yours.
How to get your wife back yourself?
You need to be better than her current man. She will definitely start comparing you, it’s a matter of time. So, to get her back, do everything possible and become better than her current lover. Push her to decide to choose you!
How to do this? You need to start working on yourself. Any success in this life comes to us after we set a goal, work and achieve it. The same can be said about your relationship with your spouse. She will definitely want to come back to you if she sees positive changes for the better in you.
So, she will come back if you:
- you will start working on your appearance, make it more sexy - attractive and healthy. Proper nutrition and taking care of your body is very important. This is also self-love.
— you will start working on your self-esteem and inner core. The willpower of any person is his destiny. Start working on your willpower, improve your self-esteem and achieve success in other areas of life: business, sports, hobbies, communication with friends.
Then your self-esteem will begin to grow and strengthen again, day by day. Women don't leave men who know their worth.
- you will start working on your life. The older we get, the more fears and laziness appear in us. Fight them every day, learn to fill your life schedule with events, and your life with communication with people, and you will see how your eyes will light up again with a thirst for fire, events and passion.
Your wife will definitely notice all these changes in you, because she will actively follow you on social networks and learn news about you through mutual friends. At that moment, when your spouse finally realizes that she was in a hurry to leave for another man, and also compares the two of you, she will dial your phone number.
So, let's go again, we'll briefly go through the article and answer the question that worries you. You write: “My wife left for someone else... will she be happy?” Statistics show that more than half of women return to their husbands. She will be happy only when a man provides her with reliable support, comfort, care, and this is only possible with you. After all, you truly love her and you have a big, long story of love and mutual respect behind you. Therefore, don’t hesitate, start working on yourself so that she wants to come back to you again.
You need:
- Start taking care of your body and eating right to look good.
- Change your image.
- Work on and strengthen your self-esteem. It is self-confidence that will help you get her back.
- Change your life 180 degrees, make it bright and rich, so that your spouse wants to become a part of it.
- Do not hide from your wife that you are ready to return her, but you will not put pressure on her. She must make the decision to return herself, and she will accept it if you fulfill all these points!
Hello, I’m 33 years old, my wife is 3 years younger, we lived together for 9.5 years, 5 months ago my wife suggested breaking up, found someone else, we haven’t officially divorced yet, I’m on the verge, I know that I’m a man, but I can’t, I love her, my soul hurts, I don’t know what to do, I’m afraid that I won’t have time to “win” her again, it’s not much yet and I won’t be able to get her back at all, if the situation isn’t like this now!, she still communicates with me, but very reluctantly, according to her Everything is always great for her, she is now very very happy and they love each other without memory, her friend is from another city, we work here in the same company as her, he is married, has a daughter, but he and his wife also passed, promises my wife divorce her, but he’s dragging his feet, feeding my wife “breakfast” - she tells me all this herself when we see each other. Yesterday I wrote her an SMS “I want to see you”, the answer was “I don’t want to, I’m very far away”, I: “well, let’s not today”, the answer was “never”. As I see her, I’m trying to improve the relationship, but it’s all in vain, she’s friends with my sister, and she tells her that “as soon as he starts talking about our relationship, it pushes me away from him even more, but at the same time, “he doesn’t push the threshold, no surprises, nothing except rare flowers, SMS with confessions and poems, and what else does he want? (somehow strange, some kind of contradiction?!), but I rarely knocked on doorsteps, more often I call, write SMS with confessions, poems, but all to no avail, the fact is that it turns out that she did not love me for several years (as she says), they say they lived out of habit lately, but on this occasion she was silent, walked aloof, passive-depressive, answered my constant questions about her condition everything is fine, I’m just tired, I’m resting, don’t pay attention, she said that she was bored, I wanted to go out with my work friends, I let her go, but later, apparently, male friends also joined, 1 call was in 2009 (she was tired of our relationship and such a life, but she didn’t have anyone at that time, she offered to live separately), then in 2011, but these times I managed to convince her that everything would work out and be fine, the last final breakup call in January 2012 (she admitted that she fell in love with another person and wants to break up). I have shortcomings: 1) everyday life, mainly home, work, sometimes meetings with companies (I haven’t had any friends lately, so relatives and acquaintances have become domesticated) 2) my frequent job changes (I’m a sales manager), in during breaks I have no money, i.e. I’m on her neck, 3) I’m meticulous, I love order in everything, I can’t close my eyes to little things, I’m a bore, as she called me, 4) I couldn’t conceive children for 1 year, which of us is not exactly clear, and the last 5) I She hasn’t been happy with being in bed lately, although I wouldn’t say that at all, to which she replied that she was faking an orgasm. That's how it is. What do you think are my chances of getting her back? Right now she’s going through a period (of rose-colored glasses - ROMANCE, which she so lacked with me), which may pass, but what’s next, grinding in the relationship again?.. I think I should not let her forget about herself, periodically remind her ( well, within reason), show her that I’m changing for the better (I’m ready to make compromises for the sake of it), confess, court, invite her somewhere (right now things are tight, I’m out of work again, I’ll get a job one of these days), I should have everything it will work!!! But what exactly to do???
My sister, talking to her, realized that I simply don’t have a chance, she’s head over heels in love with a new friend, she says it’s better to forget her, start all over again, and try if you want, maybe something will work out. She's been blowing my mind about my wife, she says there's no time for interesting jobs right now, if you want to get her back, at least get a job that just pays well. So I spat on myself, my beloved, and decided to go for it. I thought that if the husband does not work, the wife can support him, and vice versa. Moreover, she likes her job, and she never wanted to quit, of course, she had problems at work, but not before quitting, and I didn’t like my work, so I went through it. I got over it until the relationship broke up.
Our home is our fortress. And it’s very painful when he is handed over to the enemy by the person closest to him – his own wife. It’s not easy to get over the fact that your wife has left for someone else, but there is no other way out. Fate sends only those trials that a person is able to survive and only in such a way as to provide the maximum opportunity for further development.
A Serious Lesson
Let's start by recognizing the seriousness of the situation. Yes, everything happens not in a dream, but in reality. Life teaches a serious and painful lesson only when it is necessary to urgently and radically change your aspirations, goals, and values. Relationships are maintained by two people, both a woman and a man. The gap indicates serious mistakes on the part of both.
Time to think about what mistakes were made. Sometimes leaving is a demonstration of a last desperate attempt to attract attention. In this case, it makes sense to gather your thoughts and analyze the situation. Gradually changing your behavior can restore family balance. After all, for this you don’t need much - to remember what you were like when you met, and how you were able to conquer the girl.
If a woman has finally left home, having packed her things, it is worth recognizing that a new round of life’s journey begins, in which there is no place for long-standing attachment to her spouse. As difficult as it is to admit, accusations will not help solve or return anything. It's not a matter of who is more to blame, the husband or the wife. The point is how to survive a difficult situation psychologically, physically and financially.
How to behave
You will have to determine your line of behavior in relation to yourself, your wife and your environment.
- To yourself. We immediately discard the pity. The first emotional outburst is well removed by hard physical labor or at least long workouts in the gym. Even if you haven't been there before, it's a great reason to lead a healthy lifestyle.
It is worth loading yourself not only physically, but also mentally. Additional shifts and part-time jobs are appropriate in this case. In addition, it is wise to check your financial situation. Who is the property registered to? The status of accounts and payments, if you have not previously maintained them, also requires attention. If you need to look for new housing, the search will help occupy your consciousness with practical problems and help your subconscious mind accept the fact of betrayal, begin to react more calmly, adequately, and restore your zest for life.
- To my wife. There is no point in blaming, begging or hating. She is an independent person who takes care of her needs first. This is fine. Are you not suitable for her? So in this case, it doesn’t suit you, everything is for the better. But it’s worth resolving material issues; if you have children, discuss the possibility of co-parenting, your place in their lives. It is better to behave calmly, kindly, accurately stipulate the time of meetings, the amount of material participation, making the divorce process itself civilized. There is no point in leaving the enemy behind your back; reasonable people will always find how to solve common problems diplomatically.
- Environment. Oddly enough, this is where most of the problems lie. Mutual friends begin to divide into “his” and “hers” and begin to try to reconcile the parties, most often in a rude and primitive manner. In the course of communication, you can sometimes discover shocking facts, dirty and completely unnecessary. There are two ways out. You can leave for a long time, changing your life completely, and hiding from troubles with a banal escape. It may not sound attractive, but it saves a lot on my husband’s nerves. The second way out for yourself is to boldly take a step towards troubles, understand the real attitude of your loved ones towards you, and begin to build a life without old illusions. It will not be easy to regain calm; every day will be a reminder of the events that took place. This option sounds noble, but it takes up a lot of internal resources, which you need to be prepared for.
How to turn back time
Is it worth returning? Perhaps the husband’s problem is the wrong choice of his half, especially if less than 5 years have passed since the wedding. At the stage of courtship, people do not always open up completely; it takes years to fully understand the situation. Probably, some preliminary signals for oneself had already entered consciousness, although they were studiously ignored. Now everything has become clear and there is nothing left to do but take into account the mistakes made, and not return the person with whom you are not destined to become a couple for completely objective reasons.
It’s another matter if the wife left her husband for another man after ten years of living peacefully together. Most likely, such a decision was not made lightly, was well thought out, and the reasons for it were significant.
You shouldn’t focus on getting back the person who voluntarily left your life. The choice has been made and there is nothing to do. He can change, but not through lamentations, demands or lengthy proceedings.
Usually, a decent woman needs not just one reason for cheating, but a whole complex of unmet needs. You can try to calmly discuss what happened, but the results are rarely positive. At such a moment, the weaker sex mixes all the negativity from family life with a feeling of guilt from their behavior, and it is impossible to find clear answers. A man is also rarely able to reason sensibly, filled with misunderstanding and resentment. Sometimes, over time, couples meet, communicate, understand each other, and the relationship begins anew. But this will be a completely different relationship, actually a new life for new people.
Dream
Things are completely different if the wife left for another man in a dream. It’s unpleasant to experience such emotions and you won’t be in a good mood in the morning, but dream books give quite optimistic forecasts for the future for such couples.
Our subconscious in a dream spills out the most incredible things. These could be unconscious desires, fears, aspirations, or childhood memories that are applied to people in today's life. It's not easy to understand them. Can:
- Use dream books. In the old days, entire clans were involved in compiling them, passing on the accumulated experience as an inheritance. They fairly correctly reflect the characteristics of the human psyche, but do not keep up with the latest changes. The age of computer technology has made serious adjustments; unrealistic images and details often appear in dreams.
There are modern dream books compiled by psychologists, but professional collections are extremely rare. It is much more beneficial to work with individual consultations than to make your achievements available to a wide range of the public. When everyone finds out what they really saw in their dreams, who will come to their office? So often on book shelves there are dream books compiled by amateurs or ordinary charlatans who have distorted old publications in a modern manner and added their wild imagination.
Dream books on the Internet have little in common with the real interpretation of what happens in a dream.
- Seek help from a psychotherapist or psychologist who is interested in dream interpretation. Of course, you will have to pay for several sessions and introduce the specialist to some aspects of your personal life, but the result will be much more accurate. They do not use dream books, but they treat information received in a dream carefully and attentively.
- People's specialists. Purchased dream books are often used. True healers for many generations are now a rarity. You should ask local residents before the session how many years ago this expert appeared, and only then give your money for the interpretation of your wife’s actions in a dream and draw any conclusions from their information.
In general, psychologists argue that the interpretation of dreams is largely individual in nature and requires close communication with the client, which dream books cannot provide.
Dream books assure that in reality there is no threat of divorce after such a dream. Some details may indicate a deterioration in the relationship - a decrease in the intensity of passions, immersion in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, and you should think about the resumption of emotional coloring. But more often, experiencing a wife’s betrayal in a dream indicates the strength of the husband’s feelings and caring attitude towards each other. Especially if in a dream a man is trying to get his woman back.
So you shouldn’t do anything special for yourself after such a dream. All you have to do is reach out to your other half and kiss them tenderly.
Your wife told you that she was leaving, you couldn’t immediately understand how this was possible, but she explained everything. The wife stated that she loved another man and asked you to let her go. Only after this did you begin to remember that your wife had long ago become somehow strange, she spoke little to you, often refused intimacy with you, was distant and cold. This other one appeared with her a long time ago, you, perhaps, had guessed, but you didn’t want to believe in such a thing. And now you, without a doubt, blame him, consider him the cause of your troubles. You shouldn't blame this man. It is not his fault at all that there is a rift in your relationship with your wife. You yourself destroyed them for a long time, and now you want to see someone else as the source of trouble. I advise you to get the idea of talking to him out of your head. Also, do not try to forcefully restrain your wife.
Many men managed to intimidate their wife and force her to stay. But this is not a solution to the problem. The more you create obstacles for your wife to leave, the more she will strive for another man. You will turn into a real enemy. Your wife has not yet completely stopped loving you, she is worried about her leaving, but if you take careless steps now, these remnants of feelings may evaporate. For a long time, the wife assessed all the possible losses and prospects from the new relationship, so it will not be possible to get her back quickly. No matter how long the wife looks closely at the new chosen one, he still may not be as ideal as she would like. And here you come into play, who by this time should be closer to the ideal in every sense.
In addition, the chosen one himself may leave your wife after a while. But now it’s pointless to get involved in their relationship; let them work on destroying the relationship themselves. But it often happens that a woman’s new relationship did not work out, and she is in no hurry to return back to her husband. But why? – you will probably ask. The thing is that a woman understands two obvious things. Firstly, she does not want to listen to reproaches for the rest of her life. She realizes that from now on her husband will be jealous of her, he will constantly doubt her, reproach her and remind her that she once left for someone else. Secondly, the woman understands that she was not happy with too much in her past relationships, so she prefers to remain alone or look for a new relationship.
And you can nullify these two points. Let your wife know that you are not angry, you are not going to reproach her. If she understands that you are ready to start over and forget about past problems, she will make contact more easily and may want to come back to you again. Be easy in communication, and in a personal conversation take part of the blame. Let the woman understand that what happened is largely your fault and in the future you would try to fix everything. If a woman sees your sincere feelings, she will understand that from now on there is no point in looking for anything on the outside. Besides. Show your wife that from now on there will be a different life with you, it will be filled with romance, tenderness, bright events, wonderful travels. The wife must see with her own eyes that everything she was running from is now in the past. You must change. And these changes will greatly help you begin a qualitatively different relationship with your wife. Close the door to the past, let nothing remind you of it, move to another apartment, or make renovations, update furniture and interior design, introduce other habits and traditions for the whole family.