Of course, we are not in the 18th century! We do not require parental blessing for marriage, and freedom of privacy is guaranteed in all human rights documents. Date whoever you want, and also marry whoever you want - mom and dad really have no right to tell you.
But… what to do if the parents don’t like the groom – and you always dreamed of friendly family dinners on Sundays, that all your loved ones and relatives would get along and live in peace and friendship?..!
Why can parents not like a guy?
Always, even the most ideal parents overcome some possessive feelings in themselves when their child grows up and falls in love, starts dating someone, then builds his own family ...
The most wonderful son-in-law is a bit of a thief. It always seems to mom that her daughter was best at home, in her parental family, that no one will ever be able to love her as much as mom, no one will take better care of her ...
The thing is that parental love is unconditional, but marital love is not. That is, in the eyes of parents, all alternatives are, in general, worse.
And it is much more difficult for any man to like his future father-in-law and mother-in-law than for any other people.
The parents of the bride expect from the future son-in-law that he will constantly give something to their daughter, give her gifts (not only materially, but also emotionally), while wanting minimally from her in return. Previously, all this was generally obvious - the son-in-law was valued the more, the more sheep he agreed to give for the bride.
Now, of course, you can do without sheep, but ... It is difficult for a mother and father to accept a situation when a daughter builds relationships with a person and does not expect “sheep” from him. Or - when she herself gives a similar number of "sheep" in return. Here, let him be whatever person you like, but the parents of his girlfriend or wife will not like him.
In general, parents think that their daughter is perfect - men need to rejoice at the very fact of owning her. But it doesn’t happen, and it shouldn’t be - even the most wonderful girl, for the sake of harmony in relations with a man, should try to charm him, keep him close to her, please him with something, do something for him ...
Of course, parents do not like a guy who has not yet decided whether to marry or not! What if there is no marriage at all? Or if he wants some changes from the girl, work on himself, and simply delicious soup? ..
What should the groom do to please the bride's parents?
Again, we are modern people. It is not at all necessary for a man to arrange ritual dances with a tambourine in order to obtain consent to a relationship with a girl from her parents.
But it often happens that the guy himself seeks to achieve harmonious (or at least neutral) relations with future new relatives.
What advice would you give to a guy who doesn't like his girlfriend's parents?
- More and ostentatiously care for their daughter. Drag the most spreading "brooms" on the eve of the day when her mother should pay a visit. On a visit to the bride, if she lives with her parents - only with flowers! You can also add candy or cake. Remember that their daughter is a princess! With all the peas, glass slippers and other fabulous rubbish. Start from this.
- With the future mother-in-law - more secular conversations, joint "family" tea parties, small offerings like "oh, I was walking and saw cakes - I immediately remembered that your favorite!", etc. I understand your heavy sigh, but if the groom wants to please the bride's parents, then ... In general, mothers like it when a guy, caring for his daughter, “takes care” of his mother a little.
- With the future father-in-law - the maximum demonstration of brutality. You can talk about work, cars, repairs (something else where you can hint at your hard work, "golden hands" and work and salary). They combine well common views on sports (football) and politics - but the main thing here is not to make a mistake, because God forbid, you will turn out to be ideological opponents! You can just go for a beer together - this usually makes men friends.
What should a girl do if she realizes that her parents don't like a guy?
Do not panic and do not arrange excesses for your loved one on the topic “Ahh, my mother says right - you are still lazy! ..”, etc.
Focus only on your heart and common sense. You are already an adult, and you don’t need to set yourself the goal of “so that mom allows you to meet with Vasya” - after all, you can already do this!
Optimally, it’s just less likely to “meet” your parents and your man. You can even slightly retouch reality and, knowing your parents, tell them about their future son-in-law only what they would like.
It’s good if there is someone else who can say good things about your boyfriend to your parents (for example, your girlfriend, brother or sister, some mutual acquaintances, if any).
In general, the problem “my parents don’t like the groom” is not so catastrophic - after all, this is your choice, and no one has the right to tell you how successful it is!
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Author - Dasha Blinova, website www.site - Beautiful and Successful
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Valeria Protasova
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The situation when parents do not like their daughter's boyfriend is not uncommon - even Romeo and Juliet suffered from parental misunderstanding. And in the modern world there are the same unfortunate couples.
Why is this happening? After all, everyone knows and accepts the fact that this is the daughter’s choice, and the girl, and not her parents, will have to spend her life with a young man.
Reasons why parents may not like your fiancé - so why are parents against a guy?
There is no smoke without fire. If the parents don’t like the guy, perhaps something is really wrong with him.
Parents are wiser by life experience, and therefore each situation is understood differently. You may be under the influence of a strong love that closes your eyes. BUT parents see all the shortcomings and possible outcomes of your relationship.
They always want the best for their child, so often have excessive demands on young people.
- Parents may think that the girl is too young, even if she is over 20. If the daughter is less than 18, and the guy is much older than her, then such a relationship can scare not only parents. After all, a girl cannot yet objectively assess the attitude of a young man towards her, and he can take advantage of her naivety. Nothing good will come of it.
- Also, the groom may not like the parents if he is many years older than even an adult girl. For example, when she is 25 and he is over 35. This is not always bad, the main thing is to explain it to parents correctly. Read also:
- The dark past of the young man does not add a good attitude towards him. If he broke the law, was a drug addict, or led an immoral lifestyle, then there may be fears that such a guy will not bring anything good in union with his daughter. The girl suffers with him and her life, and happiness will be destroyed.
- Since the beginning of your relationship you lead a lifestyle that is unpleasant for your parents. You come home late, walk often, drink a lot, or don't show up at all. Dropped out of work or school. This cannot but cause bad emotions.
- Maybe, the young man has serious shortcomings, which you because of "blind love" do not see. Maybe he treats you rudely, is too jealous, ruffles your nerves, and your parents see your suffering. Maybe he drinks a lot or he is an avid and gambler, spending all his time on parties, clubs or entertainment.
- Or maybe the parents are just overreacting. It is believed that a person without education or with financial problems is not like their daughter. They want to see next to her only a handsome, successful, intelligent young man who will groom and cherish his wife, giving her diamonds and furs.
What to do if parents are against a guy - we become wiser and look for compromises
- Trying to understand parents , because they are not strangers to you, and they only want the best. If the reason is that they do not want to give you the necessary share of freedom and independence, then you need to explain that you are already an adult and understand what your actions can lead to. Those. give yourself a full account of your actions - this will reassure your parents.
Becoming an adult means taking responsibility for your actions. . Know that if you make a mistake, then you will have to rake the results yourself.
- Maybe the guy is really "defective"? And he does not respect you, and creates a lot of problems. Then do you need it at all? You need to look at your soul mate in a new way.
- Perhaps parents do not notice his positive qualities. Then you should tell them about them. Why do you love and respect him? Why are you with him and not with someone else.
Useful advice: The first meeting with parents must be experienced. Many parents do not like the guy the first time. Because they are greeted by clothes, but they are escorted by the mind. Later, they will realize that he is a good person and a worthy choice for you. You just need to let the parents cool down and calm down.
- Try talking to your parents : to find out what exactly did not like in a young man. And think about how to fix it - if possible.
- Find something in common between parents and boyfriend . People like people who are like them. Perhaps, like dad, the guy loves fishing or loves to cook, like mom. Or maybe he prefers the same music or books as his parents and loves old movies.
- If there was an open conflict with expressing their opinions to each other, then you need to reconcile the parties, and the guy should make the first step because he is at least younger.
What absolutely can not be done if the parents are against the groom - wise advice for wise girls
- You can't fight your parents , to do out of spite, including getting pregnant. Pregnancy cannot solve a single problem - be it misunderstanding, saving the family from collapse, late marriage. Everything will only get worse. Misunderstanding will escalate, and the hassle will increase a hundred times.
- You can't blackmail your parents , including his death, running away from home. This will not add parental love to your boyfriend. They will simply hate him, because he is the cause of a quarrel in the family.
- Quarrel with parents , demand that they change their attitude: “Why don't you like him? He's good!", "You have to accept him - that's my choice." Just as you cannot love by order, so you cannot change your attitude at the command of another person.
- You can't complain about a guy to your parents . After a quarrel, you make peace and forget the grievances, but they do not. They don't like someone hurting their child. The instinct to protect offspring also works at the level of relationships.
- Don't leave a guy if you really love him. Parents can bias a person. They might just be wrong. But, if you are sure that he is your destiny, then you need to fight for him.
The only "BUT": If the girl is still very young - under 16-19 years old, then she needs to follow the advice of her parents and not go against them. Of course, all ages are submissive to love, but you should listen to your parents, because they have age, experience and life wisdom on their side.
If you do not listen to their advice, then you can fill a lot of cones. stay at least with a broken heart and at most with a ruined fate . And then bitterly regret your stupidity and distrust of adults, who were still right.
What would you do in a situation where the parents are against the groom? We will be grateful for your opinion!
Content
Many girls, whose boyfriend their parents did not like, try to do something in order to correct the situation. After all, people in love understand that mom and dad, who are negatively minded, can interfere with relationships. except
Why parents don't like your boyfriend
Before deciding what to do in this situation, the daughter should try to understand her parents and determine the reasons for such hostility. Ignoring the opinion of parents and not paying attention to their words is not the best way out, which definitely will not solve the problem that has arisen. Sometimes mom and dad can be prejudiced against young people because of the difference in age: dislike of modern fashion, youth behavior, musical preferences and conversation style. All these moments are easy to overcome after a frank and honest conversation.
But if the young man is not liked by the parents, because they do not see in him serious intentions or the opportunity to be responsible for himself and his actions. In any case, a calm conversation is indispensable. A girl, communicating with her parents, should remember that they are older and wiser in all matters. It is worth listening to their opinion and advice, because it is sometimes difficult for lovers to see obvious factors that are clearly and openly visible from the outside.
If the mother does not like the guy, because she only saw him twice and then briefly, the daughter should frankly tell what he really is and what attracts her. It may be worth introducing your young man closer to his parents and giving them another opportunity to get to know each other. At the same time, the guy can be given some advice on behavior at home, but adjust his behavior to the requirements of dad or mom. Let him be himself, because it was for this that the girl fell in love with him. Parents should feel it.
Trying to understand why the young man did not like the parents, you need to try to control yourself, listen carefully to all the arguments and try to understand them. Each item of claims must have some basis. Getting angry and trying to convince your mother with the only argument that he is good is unlikely to succeed. It is better to give examples from the life of a young man and their relationship, where the quality that mother speaks of was manifested. If the parents insist that he is irresponsible or frivolous, you should try to tell in what cases these qualities manifested themselves.
If a mother simply thinks that her daughter is still small and cannot consider certain qualities of her boyfriend, it is worth talking to her, showing maximum seriousness and objectivity. Mom needs to see that her daughter has grown up and is able to make her own decisions. And even if she makes a mistake somewhere, it will simply become a life lesson that all people go through sooner or later.
What to do in this situation
In general, the more information parents learn initially, the calmer they will be and will already prepare for the first meeting. This does not mean that you need to constantly pile on a young man and claim that he is perfect. Even an inexperienced girl is able to understand that this does not happen. But by telling about the features for which she fell in love with him, the daughter will be able to persuade her parents to his side. In this case, both mom and dad will like the young man in absentia.
Attitude towards you
The most important thing that usually interests all parents is how a guy treats their daughter. 
His achievements in study or work will not matter if he does not see the girl off in the evening to the entrance or pay for her ice cream in a cafe. When a young man first comes to visit a girl in the presence of her parents, mom and dad will be interested, first of all, in how he treats her, what they talk about, what jokes they laugh at and whether they understand each other. An important factor will also be the attitude of the guy towards them. It is customary to bring a small present to parents when meeting, at least flowers for mom.
Appearance
A special group of parents are adults who do not like the appearance of today's youth. Especially if the young man belongs to any subculture and dresses outside the box. In this case, you need to be patient and explain that clothes are in no way a reflection of character or way of thinking. Even a guy in wide jeans and dreadlocks on his head can be serious and positive.
Behavior
An important point influencing the opinion of parents about a guy will be how he will behave in their presence. If a young man is serious and treats a girl well, he will try to show himself only from the best side. After all, he understands that the family of his beloved is part of her life. If a guy behaves impudently and rudely, arguing that he should be liked by everyone around him for who he is, this indicates his narcissism, and not love for the girl. In this case, it is better for her to think about who she is dating.
Quarreling
The situation can have a very negative impact on the opinion of parents if a guy and a girl begin to sort things out in front of them. Quarrels and scandals do not adorn anyone at all, and if parents see that this is happening to their daughter, it is unlikely that they will ever be able to restore their reputation and good relations. Also, do not tell your mother about the quarrels that happened with the guy in private. Parents will always be on the side of their child. And if a girl forgets the offense, then mom and dad are unlikely.
Parents' expectations
Often, parental dissatisfaction builds up gradually. They may immediately like the guy, and after some time it turns out that their opinion has changed. This may be due to the fact that the parents had expectations towards their daughter's young man. And if these expectations are not met, they are disappointed. The simplest example is when mom and dad saw a harmonious relationship between their daughter and her boyfriend and began to slowly prepare for the wedding. And if, after one or two years of relationship, conversations about the wedding did not begin between young people, parents begin to think that the guy is not serious, treats their daughter irresponsibly, does not want to start a family.
In this situation, it is important that parents know what expectations their daughter has towards a guy. Maybe she herself does not want to get married yet, although he has already called repeatedly. When mother and daughter's ideas about a young man coincide, it is much easier to avoid hostility.
A good plus in the piggy bank of a good attitude of parents to their daughter's boyfriend can be his help around the house or in the country. For example, dad decided to paint the fence or mom was going to wash the curtains on the weekend. If a young person even offers to help, this can tilt the attitude of the parents in the direction of positive. Although they are likely to refuse help, they will remember his willingness to do something for the family of his beloved.
In any case, when parents do not like their daughter's boyfriend, this can become a serious problem that is not so easy to solve. And if no methods and conversations help, the girl will have to decide what is more important for her - parents or boyfriend. Mom and dad are people who gave half of their lives for the well-being of their child and continue to do everything to make their daughter happy. And the guy in the world is not alone, maybe you should heed the advice of the elders and find a suitable soul mate for yourself.
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You have a first love, you think that your boyfriend is the best in the world. But for some reason, your parents do not agree with you and are categorically against your relationship. The situation is unpleasant, you have to be torn between loved ones. How to deal with the problem?
Or maybe they are right?
The opinion of parents is always worth listening to. After all, they have more life experience and only want the best for you. What arguments do your parents give in favor of the fact that this guy is not suitable for you?
Various social statuses
You are from a well-to-do intelligent environment, and the boy is raised by a mother who barely makes ends meet. You're a great student, and the guy has difficulty moving to the next class. You plan to enter a prestigious university, and your chosen one does not think about the future at all, spending all his free time on the street with friends and beer.
These, of course, are extreme estimates, but think about how similar or different your concepts of life are.
In this case, your parents are justifiably worried about you, they are also worried that the guy will have a bad effect on you and you will abandon your studies.
If you have serious plans for the future, you are responsible for your studies, and your boyfriend does not see the point in this, then how will your relationship develop? Over time, you just stop understanding each other. Talk frankly with the young man, perhaps it is really better for you to leave now.
You are a house girl, and your boyfriend is considered a local punk. He is often seen in the yard with beer in the company of swearing teenagers or he changes girls like gloves. Here, parents have something to be horrified by.
Your relationship with a guy is not easy
If you and your boyfriend often quarrel, parents cannot help but notice this. Your sad appearance, mood swings, quarrels on the phone cannot but disturb them. And if you complain to them, then they know only one point of view on the conflict and, of course, they blame the young man for everything.
What father or mother would love to see some boy bring their daughter to tears. It doesn’t matter to them who is to blame for these quarrels, they are only worried about the outcome - you are upset, which means you were offended. Of course, they won't like the guy who makes you suffer.
What to do?
First, think about what causes your quarrels with the boy. If you don't understand each other, or if he is rude, breaks promises, etc., then perhaps you are not a good friend? If the quarrels are minor, it’s just that both of you are too emotional, then try to make sure that your parents don’t notice them.
Your boyfriend is not like everyone else
If your lover belongs to some informal youth movement, is dressed atypically, or is engaged in an incomprehensible hobby, then the parents are somehow uncomfortable. Everything unusual is frightening, and they want to protect their little blood from possible troubles.
For example, there is a stereotype that all rock singers are drug addicts, and bikers are alcoholics. If your boyfriend is just such an informal, but at the same time quite adequate and reasonable, then be patient. Tell them about the guy's hobby, or make sure the guy can do it himself.
“You don’t sit like that, you whistle like that”
Sometimes rejection comes from the little things. For example, at a joint tea party, the guy did not hold the spoon like that, or allowed himself to come to visit in torn jeans. Didn't wash my hands before eating and so on. Every family has its own rules and taboos. If your boy does not fit into them, then in the eyes of his parents he may look like an ill-mannered boor.
What to do? If the parents' claims are justified, then talk delicately with the guy and give him the opportunity to improve. At the same time, try to explain to your parents that you love a guy not for appearance and habits. Tell them about his virtues.
Unfortunately this happens. Especially with fathers. They cannot always quickly get used to the idea that their daughter has a new idol or authority. They don't like their daughter's boyfriend just because he is. Be patient, involve your mother in resolving this conflict.
Parents are frustrated that with the appearance of a boyfriend, their daughter seems to have forgotten about them: she is not interested in family affairs, rarely calls, is not at home all day. Show your parents often that they are still dear to you.
Family diplomacy
If you are confident in your choice and think that your boyfriend is your destiny, then fight for your happiness. But the struggle in this case should be diplomatic: try not to go into conflict. Be sensitive, call your mom and dad, even if you are walking somewhere with a guy until late, devote at least a couple of evenings to your family. Do not obsessively involve the guy in your household chores.
For example, ask him to help you with cleaning the apartment or carry bags from the store, change the wallpaper in the room or dig up the beds in the country. Gradually the passions subside. If your parents see that you are happy with your young man, they will calm down.