But as soon as he has too much to eat, he can begin to make such pretzels that your initial sympathy is replaced by malicious triumph: so what are you, a reindeer?! Now we know, we know what you are capable of and what you are capable of! So you showed your true colors! So you gave yourself away!
And popular psychology and the general psychological advancement of society, compared to the times when Freudianism was called a harmful bourgeois science, has only strengthened this very revealing effect of a well-drunk citizen. A person has a subconscious, a person has secret desires and carefully hides his true essence. In a state of alcoholic intoxication, he loses volitional control over himself, and this essence immediately manifests itself and begins to exist in full. So, that means we brought him to pure vodka...
A question arises, the answer to which is not as obvious as it might initially seem: if a good person, from whom you will never hear a bad word, under the influence of intoxicating drink suddenly begins to make everyone look three-story, then can we say that three-story is his true essence? If, under the influence of alcohol, a good citizen turns into something he would never have thought possible, then can we assume that this is his true self?
Many of you probably already have a ready answer. And I know that it depends very much on three things. The first of them is the closeness of the person with whom you experienced a similar story. If the person is random, unfamiliar to you or unfamiliar at all, then no problems usually arise - they call him a bastard, and that’s the end of it. But if this is a person whom you have known for many years, and who, drunk, gave you such advances that your head went dark, then it is not easy to come up with a clear explanation for this phenomenon. And if your beloved or loved one expressed everything he thinks about you in a drunken shop, and the next day either cannot understand what came over him, or does not remember anything at all, then what to think and what to do in this case? Don't get divorced, after all. It seemed like we were living in perfect harmony, and then – you, fascist, get a grenade!
The second answer depends on who the drunkard commits his atrocities against. And if some lady expressed to some citizen everything that she thinks about him, or put a vase with lettuce on his head, then everything seems to be fine. But if she said or dressed the same thing to us, then we are inclined to admit that she has a secret malicious essence.
And the third version of your theory depends on exactly what actions the person committed on the scale of generally accepted moral values and norms of behavior. As a rule, if a person, having gotten drunk, suddenly softens, becomes sentimental, more responsive and tender, then the presence of a true essence is not allowed, and everything is attributed to the effect of alcohol. But as soon as we receive slaps in the face or unflattering remarks addressed to us, a terrible suspicion immediately arises about the true essence that has just revealed itself.
And here it is impossible not to note this amazing phenomenon of people’s attitude to the influence of alcohol: if aggravation leads to good deeds, then this is all because the vodka is good, but if it leads to bad actions, then this is a bad person. Now listen to my version of the answer. When intoxicated, no true essence appears. This is my firm belief. Just as no true essence appears in any way in dreams. I have no reason to think that if a person drank and started singing songs, then his true essence stands somewhere next to Kobzon. In the same way, I have no reason to believe that just because a person swore at someone or showed some strange manners, then this is his essence. Cursing or singing songs is not a very meaningful entity, right?
In fact, in a state of alcoholic intoxication, a person shows only those aspects of his personality that he constantly suppresses: due to some of his beliefs, or at the request of society. This could be aggressiveness, incontinence in feelings, emotions and thoughts, sexual liberation. A drunk person, unlike a sober person, may use more obscene language, begins to express to others everything that he thinks about them, and allows tactless and offensive phrases. He stops caring what they think of him and how they look at him. He behaves in a way that he would never allow himself to behave in all other cases.
Many people are called “restrained” precisely because they constantly hold something back. And when they don’t like something, they prefer to keep silent about it. Each of you, without exception, does this in relation to certain situations and people. Their containment is based on very strong volitional control, which is controlled consciously. However, if this restraint is trained for a long time, then such behavior becomes automatic, and the person very often does not notice that he was offended by something, that he did not like something. This is suppressed, since his reaction to any unpleasant situations is blocked.
And all this suppressed and deeply hidden is not the essence, it’s just that a person was raised that way, or he himself, in the process of growing and maturing, internalized such a model as optimal. Moreover, society itself encourages such behavior: it is indecent to notice and talk about many things that you notice, and it is not customary to express your negative thoughts and feelings. As a result, you yourself begin to think that remaining silent will be better than speaking out.
So, if someone constantly suppresses free emotional expression in themselves, then as soon as volitional control is weakened (the same effect of alcohol, drugs, in which volitional control and criticism of one’s behavior is either partially or completely lost) - oops! The entire stagnant center of emotions jumps out like a jack-in-the-box. Hello I'm your aunt! Well, bitches, weren’t you waiting?!
And this is not the true essence of the person to whom this happens, but a psychological problem of both the person with whom this happened and our entire society as a whole. In many cases, the control is so strong that a person, immediately after this has happened to him, either completely forgets about what is happening (amnesia for a traumatic event), or cannot understand (quite sincerely!) how this could happen to him. And the alcoholic denouement can be a great shock both for the one who suffered and for the one who “showed his true essence,” since he would be happy never to show it anywhere and he himself suffers from the fact that it has in him place to be.
What is true when you see one side of a person and the other? Of course, what is true is what you see constantly, day after day: this is the person himself. But everything that happens to him in a state of loss of control does not characterize him in any way. In one second of time a person experiences a certain amount of emotions. In itself it is not critical, and if he expresses them, it will not hurt you in any way.
Today a small insult, tomorrow a small disagreement, a little every day. But if such emotions are accumulated for six months, then their flow can turn out to be a mud bath. By the way, for a person who is experiencing psychological problems, such a release can be simply priceless. Basic physics: put a lid on a boiling pot and it will eventually explode. But to say that the pressure in this cauldron is the true essence of a person?! No, my friends!
What is true is what you see every day - what you like, what you love and appreciate. Two small but very important final comments. Here is the first of them: if a person in a state of alcoholic intoxication is attacked by terrible kindness and humanism, then this is also not his true essence. So I'm not repeating the vodka bottle doublethink I mentioned earlier.
Second: Volitional control and the basic regulatory mechanisms of behavior, as a rule, are not fully conscious, and are more similar to automatisms: you can be aware of them, but there is no special need for this, just as you do not need to be aware of the process of opening a door or stirring borscht in a saucepan. That is, this control is passive and the person does not attach any importance to it. However, there is also active control, when a person carefully ensures that he never loses it under any circumstances. Such a person can drink a lot, or as much as he likes, but he will never show everything that he consciously puts a ban on. You can feed such a person endlessly, but you will still get the wrong essence and the wrong thoughts that he carefully hides from you. And if a person decides to deceive you, then you either won’t get him drunk, or you will receive false information from him, which he will give you piecemeal, so that you think that this is a “drunk shop.” Well, the one who gave himself away completely is harmless, because all his antics and antics did not have the slightest intentional nature against you.
How often can you hear from women during a crisis period in their relationship with a loved one: “It turns out that I didn’t know him at all!” or “He has changed so much - he is a completely different person!” Don't believe it - people don't change.It’s just that this woman had rose-colored glasses from the very beginning and was unable to recognize the man’s true character. Meanwhile, it is very simple to do this. There are many indicators by which even at the earliest stage of a relationship you can find out what kind of person is in front of you, what he is like in reality, not externally, but internally.
Here are just a few such indicators:
Etiquette: first or second?
This can manifest itself in different ways, but it always does not indicate absence at all, but only one thing - selfishness. Is your partner the first through the door, the first to order food at a restaurant, the first to take a bite of the pie, the first to choose TV shows that only he likes? If he is always and everywhere first, then you should think about whether you only want to give in your family life, or whether you want to receive something else from your relationship.
Conversation: about him or about you?
This is already evident: does he talk about himself all the time or is he interested in your life too? If he is passionate primarily about himself, then do not expect him to change later and begin to take your interests into account. Such people believe that the world revolves around them, and you will have to constantly adapt to their interests and habits.
Strangers: are you kind to them or rude?
The way your partner treats unfamiliar people (salespeople, waiters, etc.) often reflects his attitude towards all people in general, including his parents, relatives, and how he will treat you after the sweet time has passed - bouquet period.
Animals: loving or cruel?
Believe it or not, the way your partner treats you can be an indication of how he will treat your children. As a rule, people who do not like animals and even treat them with cruelty will demonstrate similar behavior towards their pets, although this may not be so obvious at first. And vice versa - a person who is unable to raise his hand to a cat will not do this towards a child.
Money: spends or saves?
Does your loved one shower you with gifts at the candy-bouquet stage? This flatters any woman. But be on your guard: maybe he will just as thoughtlessly manage your joint finances? However, he is no better than a spender. Try to find a “golden mean” between these two extremes.
Politics: liberal or conservative?
The way your partner views politics and the structure of society in general can give you clues about the environment in which he grew up and in what way he will build his own family relationships. If he adheres to strict conservative views in politics, then he is unlikely to give you unlimited freedom yourself.
TV: series or news?
You can learn a lot about your partner's intellectual development simply by paying attention to what kind of television programs he prefers: "entertainment" that allows you to escape reality for a while, or problematic talk shows that allow you to gain a deeper understanding of aspects of life. However, if your tastes coincide with his, then there is no problem - the more interesting it will be for the two of you.
Stress: tightening up or unraveling?
Watch how he behaves under the pressure of unpleasant circumstances: does he gather into a spring or crumble into pieces? If he is not used to facing troubles head on, then any misunderstandings in your relationship will lead to a crisis. It is unlikely that you can live long with a person for whom drama or tragedy is the norm.
Priorities: family or work?
You can quickly find out your partner's preferences in this matter by simply observing where he starts the conversation: with problems at work or with the illness of one of his relatives. And also from the choice that he makes in a given situation. Are you sick and he has a meeting at work until late? Don’t think that this will go away with career growth, it can’t be fixed, work will always come first. And don’t be surprised later if your joint vacation is disrupted due to important contracts that will always be super important.
Appearance: fit or loose?
The way he feels about his own appearance may indicate his self-esteem and related complexes. You should be wary of deviations in both directions. Complete negligence and sloppiness, self-doubt or deliberate swagger, pumped-up muscles or an exotic outfit indicate either too low or excessively high self-esteem.
Principles and faith: strong or weak?
If what is important to you first of all is the soul in a person, then you need to pay attention first of all to what principles the person lives by. What a person believes in often shapes his life principles, according to which he lives every single day. You just need to focus not only on beautiful words, but also on actions, which can often diverge from words.
It only takes a little observation to understand the distinctive features of human behavior and habits. But when starting to “observe”, keep in mind that no – it’s only a matter of your acceptance or rejection of certain traits and norms of behavior. Sometimes the difference between your partner’s principles or norms of behavior and your own principles and norms can be perceived only as a piquant highlight of character. The main purpose of observation is to determine whether you can get along with these characteristics and norms, that is, with this “real” person.
Hello, betrothed. Hello ex.
Why are you looking so strange?
Suddenly he came through the years that had floated away,
So gray... Do you remember...
You've done a lot of different things,
Yes, and I’m not a saint... but what’s the point?
I don't want to remember the grievances
Who cheated on whom and how much...
I forgave. You are not. Wasn't it?
But now we are just parallels.
You're wrong, I haven't changed
I just became a little wiser.
It doesn’t matter how I live!
And why open these wounds?
I haven’t counted my tears for ten years,
And now I don’t give a damn.
It's all over, there's no escape.
Well, why are you moaning now?
You say I have no heart...
You pulled it out yourself... Do you remember...
Copyright: Ira Son, 2011
Here's the verse. There are plenty of them on the Internet, and previously in notebooks. At first glance, it seems that we are talking about love... but no, guys, we are talking about the fact that such women do not really love, they are vindictive, selfish people. They can wait for years for their revenge, it is not difficult for them. But first, they will play the role of a “victim,” convincing everyone around them and themselves of their ideality and the wretchedness of their opponent. Hurt, wounded selfishness. As a rule, these are terrible owners, hysterics, their jealousy has no limits. The most important thing is that they do not love anyone except themselves, everyone around them, they need them for CHNV and nothing more. Be careful:) If your potential girlfriend has such copy-paste on her pages (diaries), then know what awaits you.)
Now imagine...
The time is approaching to elect a new political leader, and your vote is required
will be counted. Here are the characteristics of the three main favorites:
Candidate 1.
He was repeatedly seen in connections with semi-underground financial tycoons and former bandits. Physically unwell. Had two mistresses. Heavy smoker.
Drinks 8-10 martinis every day.
Candidate 2.
He was expelled from his service twice. Has a habit of sleeping until noon. During
I used drugs during my studies. Every evening he drinks a bottle of cognac.
Candidate 3.
He has military awards for courage and heroism. Vegetarian. I do not smoke. As for alcoholic drinks, he only drinks beer from time to time. He has never been involved in any suspicious contacts with the mafia, criminals, money laundering or other illegal activities. Modest in everyday life.
*****************************************
List of candidates:
Candidate 1 - Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate 2 - Winston Churchill.
Candidate 3 - Adolf Hitler
I've known for 2 years that I'm crazy. I'm getting worse. But I don't ask for help. Not out of pride or fear. I just don’t want to remind my family once again that I have problems. We live and pretend that everything is as before. My parents are ashamed of me. But for myself, no. Because I feel no shame, no fear, no love, not even sadness. When I was much younger, I knew what it was like. Now I diligently cherish the memories of how to be a normal person. I know that all people suffer. Everyone has their own flaw, their own illness, their own skeleton in the closet. If only for this reason, they do not deserve to cause them even more pain, and in pain we are all the loneliest creatures on the planet. If you can, be more lenient with each other. Most of you are capable of compassion. But I can not. When I hug an old friend, I press another body to my body and feel nothing. It must be terrible.
It's very easy for people to tell you who they are and what they are about. However, you need to learn to read nonverbal cues if you want to see a person's true colors.
Nonverbal cues will help you know who you are dealing with in a particular situation. Say, are you in a romantic relationship and want to make sure your friend is loyal to you, but don't know how? Or maybe you are in a business relationship and want to have an element of trust between you, but can this be in a particular situation? How not to make a mistake?
Learning to read nonverbal signals
The step to understanding people and their motivations is to be able to read what they are trying to hide. Unfortunately, every person has something to hide. Although most of these things are harmless, there are still some of these little secrets that can be harmful to your relationship. To understand the meaning behind the secret door, you must learn a few basic strategies.
Here's an example. Lie
It's worth assuming that lying doesn't bother some people as much as others. Although there are still individuals who hate lying and try to minimize it. They are even more disgusted when they themselves are deceived. But, to be honest, there are those who lie as if unintentionally, without negative motivation, and there are also those who lie as easily as they breathe. Do you want to quickly get rid of these people?
The following indicators will help you decide whether you want to accept this intimate relationship or even this friendship. And let's not forget about partnerships where good financial investments are at stake. Here are 7 nonverbal cues that will help weed out bad people.
Eye movement and eye contact
First of all, the eyes are the portal of the soul. Have you heard of this before? Well, when someone is cheating, eye movements tend to give the person away. For example, a liar will look up and to the right. Experts have found that this movement indicates the use of imagination. And liars need to use precisely this weapon in order to invent stories, to fill the empty space with the truth.
On the other hand, random eye movements and looking to the left side touch the memory to remember the truth. Pay attention to this telltale sign. When it comes to eye contact, go to extremes here. When there is too little or too much of this contact, it may indicate a lie. A good balance is to look straight into the eyes, occasionally looking away. This demonstrates the person's honesty and reliability.
Head down, hands fiddling with clothes
This strange indicator does not always mean drowsiness or nervousness. In truth, when someone keeps their head down, it could mean that they are simply not interested in what you are saying or doing.
In addition, when people fiddle with clothes or other things, it usually means that they have completely disconnected from the conversation and are only thinking about ending it as quickly as possible. They may even feel uncomfortable.
Arms crossed on chest
This position usually indicates two things. Either the person you're dealing with is closing themselves off from you, or they're getting angry. If the first situation occurs, then perhaps the interlocutor does not like it when you learn something about him, or he does not trust you. If he's angry, then maybe you need to ask him why, in a good way, of course.
Sometimes this position can mean that the person is very shy, and after a relaxing conversation he may relax. Just be careful not to put too much pressure in this situation. 
Strong handshakes
It's quite simple and easy to understand. Basically, the stronger the handshake, the more dominant the person will be.
Now keep in mind that some people use more pressure during this gesture when they feel their dominance is being challenged. So if it feels like they're trying to crush your hand, it could mean the exact opposite. Tough and strong is not the same as aggressive or tough.
Open mouth and smile
Regarding this position, there are several indicators. Smiles, for example, can be fake or real, depending on where the folds or wrinkles are present. If there is a fake smile, there will be wrinkles on the edge of the mouth. A real smile creates folds on both sides of the mouth and around the eyes.
Speech
Speaking too quickly usually indicates disorganization and confusion. Slow speech, on the other hand, usually means that the other person has low intelligence, although this is not always the case.
A stable, average speed indicates that the person is confident in his information and feels comfortable sharing it with you. It is also likely to be seen as honest speech.
Hands near your face or behind your back
If one hand is holding the other wrist either in front or behind your back, it means you are unsure or afraid of something. If you touch your face, it means that you are very interested.
When your hands touch your mouth while you speak, it means you are lying. If your hand covers your mouth when someone is speaking, you think the person is lying.
Remember who you're dealing with
While these nonverbal cues work great in most cases, you must remember that there are always exceptions. Despite what actions say, you must remember who is in front of you and what he represents.
Many of these signals can be misinterpreted because they sometimes have double meanings. It's worth noting that they're easy to use, but knowing your coworkers' personalities will also help. Just use common sense and past experience so you don't get fooled, and you'll be fine.